关于擅长的英语笑话段子 关于擅长的英语笑话有哪些
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双语幽默英语笑话
双语幽默英语笑话汇集
1、话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。
A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大拇指道：「I AM 后羿!」
B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM 丘比特!」
轮到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出!结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」
Note by Jodie: 此处用西班牙口音说Sorry肥更有趣
2、昨天来了个外国人，进到办公室，前台小姐左看右看，大家都在打游戏，只有自己比较清闲，就面带微笑的："Hello?"
外国人："Hi."
前台小姐："You have what thing?"(你有什么事?)
外国人："Can you speak English?"(你会讲英语吗)
前台小姐："If I not speak English， I am speaking what?"(如果我不会说，那我现在说的什么)
外国人："Can anybody else speak English? "(还有谁能讲英语吗)
前台小姐："You yourself look. all people are playing，no people have time， you can wait， you wait， you not wait， you go."(你自己看看，所有人都在玩呢，都没空，你愿意等就等，不愿意就走你)
外国人：I want to ask about online shopping.(我想咨询下关于网上购物的事情)
前台小姐:Online shopping?is Use Internet shopping，You de understand?(网上购物?就是用上网购物，你的明白?)
外国人：。。。。。
前台小姐：you can baidu“top leader”!!你可以去百度“尚品领袖”
外国人：。。。。"Good heavens. anybody here can speak English?"(我的上帝，这儿有谁会说英语吗?) I want to speak to your head."(我想和你的领导谈谈)
前台小姐："Head not zai.You tomorrow come."(头儿不在，你明天再来吧)
3、Bad news and good news 好消息和坏消息
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display.
一名艺术家问画廊老板，最近有没有人对他展出的画感兴趣。
"I've got good news and bad news," owner replied.
“这有好消息和坏消息，”老板回答。
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.
“好消息是有一位先生咨询你的作品，他想知道在你死后你的画会不会升值。
When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings.
我告诉他你的画会升值，他就把你的15幅画全都买走了。”
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed," What's the bad news?"
“真是太好了”，艺术家是喜形于色，“那坏消息是什么?”
With concern, the gallery owner replied,"The guy was your doctor."
带着关心的口吻，画廊老板回答，“买画的人是你的医生”。
4、女儿的来信
Joan and her neighbor are talking about their daughters, Joan says, my daughter is at the university.
She’s very bright, you know. Every time we get a letter from her we have to go to the dictionary.
Her neighbor says you are lucky every time we hear from our daughter we have to go to the bank.
Joan和她的邻居在一起聊天，聊到各自的女儿;Joan说我女儿在上大学。她很聪明，你知道的。每次我们接到她的来信，我们都要查字典。
她的邻居说，你真幸运!每次我们接到我女儿的信，我们都要去银行。
5、A New Mum took her baby daughter to the supermarket for the first time.
一个年轻的妈妈头一回带着她的宝贝女儿到超市买东西，
She dressed her in pink from head to toe.
她把小宝贝从头到脚穿上粉红色的衣服。
在商场，她把小女孩放在购物车里，把买来的东西都推在孩子周围。
At the checkout line a small boy and his mother were ahead of them.
在付款台前排队时，一个小男孩和他妈妈正好排在她们前面。
The child was crying and begging for some special treat.
那个小男孩在哭，看上去在向他妈要着什么东西，年轻的妈妈想，
He wants some candy or gumand his mother won't let him have any, she thought.
这个小孩一定是要糖果或是口香糖之类的玩意儿，而他妈妈又不给，所以才闹得这么厉害。
Then she heard his mother's reply.
然而就在这个时候，她听到男孩的妈妈一边回答说，
"No!"she said, looking in her direction.
“不行，”一边往她的方向看过来，
"You may not have a baby sister today. That lady got the last one"
“你今天不能买一个小妹妹了，那位女士把最后一个买走了!”
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6、Mike:Mum,I want to watch TV.
Mum:There is no electricity tonight.
Mike:Then let's watch TVwith a candie on.
迈克：妈妈，我想看电视。
妈妈：今晚停电了。
迈克：那我们就点着蜡烛看吧。
7、Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”
“我给了一个可怜的`老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
8、Teacher: Here are two bird,one is a swallow,the other is a sparrow.Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I can't point out but i know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallowis beside the sparrow,and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只小鸟
老师：这里有两只小鸟，一只是燕子，另一只是麻雀，谁能告诉我们哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗?
学生：我不会分辨但我知道答案。
老师：那请你告诉我们。
学生：燕子旁边的是麻雀，麻雀旁边的是燕子。
9、A dog can play the piano 会弹钢琴的狗
A guy walks into a bar with a small dog. The bartender says, "Get out of here with that dog!"
The guy says, "But this isn't just any dog... this dog can play the piano!"
The bartender replies, "Well, if he can play that piano, you both can stay... and have a drink onthe house!"
So the guy sits the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing.
Ragtime, Mozart... and the bartender and patrons are enjoying the music.
Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out.
The bartender asks the guy, "What was that all about?"
The guy replies, "Oh, that was his mother. She wanted him to be a doctor."
一个人带着他的狗走进一家酒吧。
酒吧服务生对他说，“这里不能带狗进来，请离开吧!”
那个人对服务生说，“这可不是一般的狗，它可是会弹钢琴的!”
服务生回答说，“呃，如果它真的能弹钢琴，你们可以免费在这喝上一杯!”
那个人把狗放到了弹钢琴坐的凳子上面，狗就开始了演奏，先是拉格泰姆音乐、接着弹莫扎特还有其它的… …服务生和顾客们都非常欣赏它的弹奏。
突然，一只体型更大的狗跑了进来，一把抓住小狗的脖子就把它拽出去了。
酒吧服务生问那个人，“那是怎么回事?”
那人回答，“噢，那是它妈妈。她不想它儿子玩音乐，而是做一名医生。”
10、Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?
老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗?
11、Mr. Smith: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.
Waiter: Yes, sir, I know---it's the heat that kills it.
史密斯先生：服务员，我的汤里有一只死苍蝇.
服务员：是的，先生，我知道了，它是被烫死的.
12、Son: Dad, give me a dime.
Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes?
Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you?
儿子：爸爸，给我一角钱。
父亲：儿子，你不认为你已经长大了，不该再老是一角一角地要钱了(该自立了)，不是吗?
儿子：爸爸，我想你是对的，那给我一块钱行吗?
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;段子经典英语笑话
段子经典英语笑话
看一些英语笑话，既能让我们学到不少英语知识，也能让我们开心，一起来看看段子经典英语笑话吧!
段子经典英语笑话
If the boys stare at you, they have guts to suckyourteeth!
如果男生盯着你看， 他们就有胆亲你。
这是电视剧Full House里两个姐妹的对话， 这句话有三个地方很棒， 第一个是stare at you, 就是指盯着人家看的意思， have guts 就是说有胆子的.意思， (这是一个巧合， 中文英文说有胆子都是说有勇气的意思!) 而最后一个 suck your teeth 则是指接吻的意思， 很有趣， 但是像这种句子是小孩子说的， 难登大雅之堂。
接吻还有另外一个口语的用法： smooch 例如 I didn't smooch that girl last night。我昨晚没亲那个女孩。
段子经典英语笑话
Amidst the mists and coldest frosts, with stoutest wrists and loudest boasts, he thrusts his fist against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.
A tall eastern girl named Short long loved a big Mr. Little. But Little, thinking little of Short, loved a little lass named Long. To belittle Long. Short announced She would marry Little before long. This caused Little shortly to marry Long. To make a long story short, did tall Short love big Little less because Little loved little Long more?
A Finnish fisher named Fisher failed to fish any fish one Friday afternoon and finally he found out a big fissure in his fishing-net.
A snow-white swan swiftly to catch a slowly-swimming snake in a lake.
A writer named Wright was instructing his little son how to write Wright right. He said: "It is not right to write Wright as 'rite'---try to write Wright aright!"
段子经典英语笑话
The Old Cat
An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.
Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."
老猫
一位老妇有只猫，这只猫很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了东西，因为它年纪太大了。一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，它跳过去抓这只老鼠，然而，它咬不住这只老鼠。因此，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。
于是，老妇很生气，因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。她开始打这只猫，猫说：“不要打你的老仆人，我已经为你服务了很多年，而且还愿意为你效劳，但是，我实在太老了，对年纪大的不要这么无情，要记住老年人在年青时所做过的有益的事情。”
;
英语笑话段子
英语笑话段子集锦
英语笑话段子【1】
An Exact Number 准确数字
A tourist was visiting New Mexico and was amazed at the dinosaur(恐龙) bones lying about.
How old are these bones? the tourist asked an elderly Native American, who served as a guide.
Exactly one hundred million and three years old.
How can you be so sure? inquired the tourist.
Well, replied the guide, a geologist(地质学家) came by here and told me these bones were one hundred million years old, and that was exactly three years ago.
一位游客在新墨西哥游览，他对随处可见的恐龙化石甚感惊奇。
这些化石有多长的'历史?游客问一个上了年纪的当地美国人，他是作向导的。
整整十亿零三年了。
你怎么这么肯定?游客问道。
哦，向导回答道，一个地质学家来过这儿，他告诉我说这些化石有十亿年了，再加上那是整整三年前的事了。
英语笑话段子【2】
Do You Know My Work 你知道我是干嘛的吗
One night a hotel caught fire, and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes.
Two men stood outside and looked at the fire.
Before I came out, said one, I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People don't think of money when they're afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire, the fire burns it. So I took all the bills that I could find. No one will be poorer because I took them.
You don't know my work, said the other.
What is your work?
I'm a policeman.
Oh! cried the first man. He thought quickly and said, and do you know my work? No, said the policeman.
I'm a writer. I'm always telling stories about things that never happened.
一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡衣就跑了出来。
两个人站在外面，看着大火。
在我出来之前，其中一个说，我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬，所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了，没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。
你不知道我是干什么的，另一个说。
你是干什么的?
我是警察。
噢!第一个人喊了一声，他灵机一动，说：那你知道我是干什么的?不知道。警察说。
我是个作家，我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。
英语笑话段子【3】
The Nice Wedding Gift
We attended the wedding of an acquaintance's son. Because we did not know the young man or his bride, we decided to send them a practical household gift, a fire extinguisher.Apparently, the couple mass-produced their thank-you notes because we received a card saying: Thank you very much for the nice wedding gift. We look forward to using it soon.
漂亮的结婚礼物
我们参加了一个熟人的儿子的婚礼。由于我们都不认识那个年轻人和他的新娘，所以我们决定送给他们一个实用的全家礼----一个灭火器。很明显，这对新人大批量制作了他们的感谢信，因为我们收到了一张卡片，上面写着：“非常感谢您的漂亮的结婚礼物，我们期待着不久就用到它。”
英语笑话段子【4】
Excuse for Speeding
Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road. A police car pulled them over.
"Why on earth were you driving so fast?" the policeman yelled.
"Our brakes are no good, so we wanted to get there before we had an accident!"
赶紧到达那里
哈里与劳埃德超速行驶，一辆警车拦住了他们。
“你们为什么开那么快?”警官喊道。
“我们的刹车不好，因此我们想在发生事故前赶紧到达目的地。”
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