演讲的活跃气氛笑话英文翻译 演讲的活跃气氛笑话英文版

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适合外教课演讲的英文搞笑小故事,2分钟左右的,

Peter dozed off while his teacher was talking.

老师正在讲课,彼得打起瞌睡来了.

Teacher:Peter!Tell us,what's the biggest in the world?

老师：彼得!你说说,世界上什么最大?

Peter:Well,well.eyelids.

彼得:嗯……嗯……眼皮……

Teacher:What?Eyelids?

老师：什么?眼皮?

Peter:Yes,sir.Because as soon as I shut my eyes,the eyelids cover everything of the world.

彼得：是的,老师.因为我眼睛一闭,眼皮就把世界上所有的东西都遮住了

He Won

Tommy:How is your little brother,Johnny?Johnny:He is ill in bed.He hurt himself.

Tommy:That's too bad.How did that happen?

Johnny:We played who could lean furthest out of the window,and he won.

他赢了

汤姆：约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?

约翰尼：他害病卧床了.他受了伤.

汤姆：真糟糕,怎么回事儿?

约翰尼：我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了.

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,"What happened?"

"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

"I'd know him any where," said Ivan."I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里.他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?”

“一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说.

“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问.

“他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说.“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢.”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents."What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly."Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱.

“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说.“你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说.“再给你两分钱.可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”

“她是个卖糖果的.”

Drunk

One day,a father and his little son were going home.At this age,the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.Now,he asked,"What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk',dad?" "Well,my son," his father replied,"look,there are standing two policemen.If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

"But,dad," the boy said," there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家.这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题.他向父亲发问道：“爸爸,” “唔,孩子,”父亲回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个警察.如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了.” “可是,爸爸,”孩子说,“那儿只有一个警察呀!”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese.The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate.The visitor smiled,put the cheese into his mouth and then said:"You must have better eyes than your mother,sonny.Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap,sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时,家里没有奶酪了,于是女主人向大家表示歉意.这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子.过了一会儿,他拿着一片奶酪回到房间,把奶酪放在客人的盘子里.客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子,你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好.你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上,先生.”那小男孩说.

英语小笑话

上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球,一个老美看到就笑我说,"Do you

know what does it mean?It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著

性,缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快,联想力这么丰富时,旁边的

一个老美帮我解围,他说,有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn,他们的招牌歌之一就是

A.D.I.D.A.S,(All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟

能详的喔!下次就换你去取笑老美了.

英语翻译 课前三分钟老师让演讲,求一篇英语小短文笑话或小故事都可...

Smiling I think smiling is as important as sunshine. Smiling is like sunshine because it can make people happy and have a good day. If you aren’t happy, you can smile, and then you will feel happy. Someone may say, “But I don’t feel happy.” Then I would say, “Please smile as you do when you are happy or play with your friends happily. You will really be happy again.” Smiling can let you have more friends.So I say, smiling is like a flower. It will give you happiness. 微笑 我认为微笑是一样重要的象阳光. 微笑是象阳光,因为它可能使人愉快和有一个早晨好. 如果您不是愉快的,您能微笑,您然后将感觉愉快. 某人也许说, “但是我不感到愉快”. 然后我会说, “请微笑,您,当您愉快地是愉快或戏剧与您的朋友. 您真正地再将是愉快的”. 微笑可能让您有更多朋友.如此我说,微笑是象花. 它将给您幸福.

求英语课上用来演讲的笑话

分类: 休闲/爱好 >> 幽默滑稽

问题描述:

2分钟左右，中英对照

解析:

Let me take it down

An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the *** allest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."

"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."

为我所用

一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”

“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。

An old soldier often told his garden about his past war exploits.

"Once I met with a dozen enemy sol-diers and took them prisoners singlehand-ed."

"It was half a dozen enemy soldiers when you told me the story last year.But why have you added so many more this time?"

"You silly lad.You were younger last year,and I was afraid to frighten you."

While wisiting the cemetery,a sorrowful couple noticed a headstone,which read,"here lies a lawyer and a honest nan"."look at that",the woman said,"money's so tight they're putting then o in a grave."

Lawyer Jokes :

A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read, "Here lies John Kelly, a lawyer and an honest man." "How about that!" he exclaimed. "They've got three people buried in one grave."

__________________________________

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are

things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and

now published by

court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while

__________________________________

Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July 15th.

Q: What year?

A: Every year.

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?

A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?

A: Forty-five years.

_________________________________

Q: What was the first thing your hu *** and said to you when he

woke up that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

_________________________________

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

__________________________________

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a

deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

__________________________________

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for

a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you

began the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

A:Nice to meet you.

B:Nice to meet you,too.

C:Nice to meet you,three.

An Artist

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and

wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"

An old soldier often told his garden about his past war exploits.

"Once I met with a dozen enemy sol-diers and took them prisoners singlehand-ed."

"It was half a dozen enemy soldiers when you told me the story last year.But why have you added so many more this time?"

"You silly lad.You were younger last year,and I was afraid to frighten you

BUYING A HAT

I'M NOT HAVING IT ALL CUT OFF.

"Hello, Miles," the manager said. "I see that you are having your hair cut in office time."

"Yes, sir, I am," admitted Miles calmly. "You see, sir, it grows in office time."

"Not all of it," said the manager at once. "Some of it grows in your own time."

"Yes, sir, that's quite true." Answered Miles politely, "but I'm not having it all cut off."

But the teacher cried

The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.

When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.

"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"

"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"

The difference beeen men and women

Jock was driving up a steep, narrow, tortuous, Scottish mountain road. A woman was driving down the same road in the opposite direction.

As they pass each other the woman leant out the window and shouted: "PIG!!"

Jock immediately leant out his window and replied with "BITCH!!"

They each continue on their way, but as Jock rounded the next corner he ran into a pig in the middle of the road....

The Clock

Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

She asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Theresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."

"Whose clock is that?" "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved ice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."

"Where is Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.

"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He is using it as a ceiling fan."

One Engine Left

A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result."

Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."

At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"

In the morning Mr.Smith es into the garden at the back of his house. He sees much snow(雪) in the garden.Mr.Smith wants to take his car out, so he asks a man to clean the road from his garage(车库)to the gate(大门). He says to the man,”Don't throw any snow on that side. It will damage(损坏) flowers in the street, or the policeman will e.”Then he goes out.

When he es back, the road is clean.There is no snow on the flowers, on the wall or in the street. But when he open the garage, he sees the garage is full of snow(被雪充满), the snow from the road, and his car is under the snow!

A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more fortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach.

The blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."

Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach.

Again, the blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."

The captain doesn't want to cause a motion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear.

She immediately gets up, says, "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman.

He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA."

英语幽默笑话：

一：She Didn"t Say Anything

A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then plete silence.

The girl looked at her father and said, “It was Mom”。

“How do you know?” asked her father.

“She didn"t say anything.”

二：I Have Turned It Over

A woman said to her hu *** and, “dear, look at our sheet! It"s too dirty. Would you like to wash it now?”

The man looked at the sheet and then thought for a while and then said, “I don"t think it"s necessary. We can turn the sheet over. Is that all right?”

三、40 over Li lotus heart disease arises suddenly, is escorted to the hospital first aid. The condition extremely too bad, the Li lotus felt oneself nearly all already died.

In the rescue, the Li lotus has heard God's sound suddenly: "You cannot die, you also may live for 45 years 6 months 02 days, has the courage to go on living!"

After last the reshaping surgery pletes, the Li lotus then happily handled left the hospital the procedure, □thought actually the ambulance which rapidly 驶过 by 撞死 in the entrance.

After the heaven, the Li lotus has been angry interrogates God: "Since you had said I also may live for 45 years, then you should not eat the word."

God awkwardly 耸了耸肩, replies: "Really is sorry, at that time, the vehicle hit when you... ... I have not recognized am you."

英语笑话这里面有的，可以看看：

sxuu/loveu/Article/english/yyxx//22000

英语幽默

双关歇后语：）~

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Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?

Tom:Every time I e to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".

老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?

汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,僦看见一个牌子仩写着"学校----慢行".

Do You Know My Work？

One night a hotel caught fire， and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes．

Two men stood outside and looked at the fire．

“Before I came out，” said one，“I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money． People don't think of money when they're afraid． When anyone leaves paper money in a fire， the fire burns it． So I took all the bills that I could find．No one will be poorer because I took them．”

“You don't know my work，” said the other．

“What is your work？”

“I'm a policeman．

“Oh！” cried the first man． He thought quickly and said，“And do you know my work？”“No，”said the policeman．

“I'm a writer． I'm always telling stories about things that never happened．”

译文：（自己简单翻译）

你知道我是干什么的吗？

一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡 衣就跑了出来。

两个人站在外面，看着大火。

“在我出来之前，”其中一个说：“我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬。所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了。没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。”

“你不知道我是干什么的。”另一个说。

“你是干什么的？”

“我是警察。”

“噢！”第一个人喊了一声。他灵机一动，说：“那你知道我是干什么的？”“不知道。”警察说。

“我是个作家。我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。”

Who is the laziest

Father:Well,Jack,I talked with your teacher today .And now I want to ask you a question ,Who is the laziest person inyour class ?

Jack:I don`t know ,father.

Father:Oh,think!When other boys and girls are reading and wirting ,who sits quietly and only watch how other people word?

Jack:Our teacher ,father.

谢谢！

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