吉姆给我们讲了许多笑话英语 吉姆给我们讲了许多笑话英文
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英语小笑话带翻译20字
Tom:
William
has
asked
me
for
a
loan
of
five
pounds.
Should
I
be
doing
right
in
lending
it
to
him?
Jack:
Certainly.
Tom:
And
why?
Jack:
Because
otherwise
he
would
try
to
borrow
it
from
me.
汤姆：威廉向我借五英镑。我该不该借给他？
杰克：当然应该了。
汤姆：为什么？
杰克：否则他就该跟我借了。
A
physics
Examination
Once
in
a
physics
examination,
Nick
finished
the
first
question
very
soon,
while
his
classmates
were
thinking
it
hard.
The
question
was:
When
it
thunders
why
do
we
see
the
lighting
first,
then
hear
the
thunderrolls?
Nick\'s
answer:
Because
our
eyes
are
before
ears.
一次物理考试
在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。
这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？
尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。
Jim’s
History
Examination
Uncle:
How
did
Jim
do
in
his
history
examination?
Mother:
Oh,
not
at
all
well,
but
there,
it
wasn't
his
fault.
They
asked
him
things
that
happened
before
the
poor
boy
was
born.
吉姆的历史考试
舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？
母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个
可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。
初一英语笑话
1)TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go
Slow".
汤姆的借口
老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"
DID YOUR DAD...
2)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"
吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"
附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.
3)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"
and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"
汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"
吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"
附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.
4)A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
5)Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?”
“Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.”
一盒小火柴
妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？”
“是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。”
6)Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.
Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!
开车
父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。
苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。
7)Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?”
“I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered.
“You’er a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?”
“She is the one who sells the candy.”
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆。”他回答说。“你真是一个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说. “再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
8)Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?”
“A kid bit me,”replied Ivan.
“Would you recognize him if you sew him again?”asked his mother.
“I’d know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.”
他的耳朵在我的衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口。”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里。”
9)Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
小明是个英语呆子，一天他踩到一个老外的脚……
小明：I am sorry!
老外：I am sorry too!
小明紧张：I am sorry three!
老外：What are you sorry for? （four）
小明脸红道：I am sorry five!
1、This msg. will refresh your brain in 5 seconds. 5...4...3...2...1...
>Error: No Brain Detected!!!
这条消息将会让你的头脑清醒5秒。5…4…3…2…1…
>错误提示：未侦测到大脑！！！
2、Not every flower symbolize for love, but rose can do it; not every tree can stand thirst, but alamo can do it, not every pig can read short message, but you can do it. Congratulations!
不是每一朵花都能代表爱情，但是玫瑰做到了；不是每一种树都能耐住干渴，但是白杨做到了；不是每一头猪都能看短消息，但是你做到了。恭喜你！
3、Good looks catch the eyes but Good Personality catches the heart. You are blessed with both! FLATTERED?
Don't Be! It was sent to me. I just wanted you to read it.
漂亮的脸蛋能吸引眼球但是好的人品能吸引人心。你很幸运的同时拥有这两方面！被恭维了？
少来了！这个短消息是送给我的。我只不过想让你看看罢了。
4、Can u pronounce good English? Read along: woof, roof, loof, shoof, shoof, woof, loof, poof, woof, woof, hoof, loof, roof, shoof, Test results: U r a good dog. Now stop barking.
你的英语发音很标准？读下去：woof, roof, loof, shoof, shoof, woof, loof, poof, woof, woof, hoof, loof, roof, shoof, 测试结果：你是一条好狗。现在可以停下别叫了。
5.Good morning...Have u done two of the most important things when you wake up today?
1) Pray-so that u may live...2)Take a bath-so that others may live too!
早上好……你今早醒来的时候有没有做这两件最重要的事呢？
1）祈祷- 好让你可以活下去……2）洗澡-好让别人也可以活下去！
6.In the morning I do not eat because I think of you.
At noon I do not eat because I think of you.
In the evening I do not eat because I think of you,
and at night I do not sleep because I'm hungry.
因为想你，我没吃早饭。因为想你，我没吃中饭。因为想你，我没吃晚饭。晚上我睡不着了，因为我饿了。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。
我想要10个英语小笑话
1.Who's More Polite?
A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.
2.Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys
3你的记忆力好吗 Do You Have a Good MemoryWife:
Do you have a good memory for faces?
Husband: Yes——why?
Wife: I just broke your shaving mirror.
4烤乳猪 roast pig
A gentleman was invited for dinner. When he hurried there and sat down, he was happy to see a roast pig in front of his seat:"Not bad, I am next to the pig."
But then he noticed the angry fat lady sitting next to him. He faked a smile and added: "Oh I am sorry, I meant the roasted one on the table."
5.要上头条了 one of us
In running, one journalist said to the other:"Can't run any more! What should we do?" "No idea. But one of us will have his photo on the headline (tomorrow)." replied his colleague.
6.大吃一惊 Big Surprise
Visitor: Is this a healthy place to live in?
Local yokel: Yes, sir. When I arrived here, I couldn't walk or eat solid food.
Visitor: What was the matter with you?
Local yokel: Nothing---I was born here.
7.手锯的用处 The Use of a HandsawAt the mall, my wife and I picked up some hardware items, including a handsaw. We were heading back to the car when we passed a steakhouse.
Let's try it. my wife suggested. Although I felt a little foolish carrying the saw, I followed her inside.
Scanning the menu, my wife told the waitress, I' 11 have chopped sirloin, please.
The waitress turned to me, eyed my saw and commented, And I see that. you, sir, have come for our T-bone special.
8.便宜的马 Cheap price for a horse
After his beloved horse died, a man wanted to place an ad in the newspaper like this: Horse saddle and bridle for $50.
Inadvertently the paper added a comma to the ad, which read instead:Horse, saddle and bridle for $50.
Immediately someone responded to the ad, That''s an awfully cheap price for a horse, said the caller, What''s wrong with your horse?
Well, he is dead, replied the man who placed the erroneously typed ad.
9.粗心的理发员 A Careless Barber
Barber: Were you wearing a red scarf when you came in?Customer: No.
Barber: Oh, then I must have cut your throat.
10. 你爷爷 your grandfather
A well dressed young man demanded as soon as he entered the restaurant:
"Serve me, quick! Give me your best. I don't care the price."
Not like the way he talked, the waiter said to him: "Hey Buddy, it doesn't matter you have a lot of money. You are still son of somebody, and grandson of somebody else."
The young man raged: "Dare you! Tell me, who wants me to be his grandson?"
The waiter replied with ease:"Nobody. Just your grandfather
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