你给我说几句笑话什么意思 你给我说几句笑话英语

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英语笑话幽默

下面是我整理的 英语笑话 幽默，希望对大家有帮助。

英语笑话幽默：我妹妹的手指头

Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time?

Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.

Teacher: I don't see any bandages.

Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.

老师：凯温，这次你怎么又迟到了?

凯温：对不起，老师，我在家钉钉子，砸坏了两个手指头。

老师：怎么没有扎绷带呀?

凯温：噢，砸的不是我的手指头，我叫小妹妹扶着钉子的。

英语笑话幽默：新西兰的气候

The Climate of New Zealand

Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?

Matthew: Very Cold, sir.

Teacher: Wrong.

Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!

老师：马修，新西兰的气候怎么样?

马修：先生，那里的天气很冷。

老师：错了。

马修：可是，先生!从那儿运来的猪肉都冻得硬邦邦的。

英语笑话幽默：Good news or Bad news?

An artist was part of an exhibition, and he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings that were currently on display.

"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.

"Give me the good news first," the artist demanded.

"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could the bad news possibly be?"

With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The gentleman in question was your doctor."

以为艺术家在一个画廊办了个展览，他问店主是否有人对他参展的画感兴趣。

“我有一个好消息和一个坏消息。”店主回答。

“先告诉我好消息。”画家要求道。

“好消息是一位绅士询问了你的作品，还问它是否会在你死后增。我告诉他会的，然后他买下了你所有的15幅画作。”

“那太棒了!”画家惊叹。“那么什么会是坏消息呢?”

店主想了想之后说：“问那个问题的是你的医生”。

英语笑话幽默：I don't think I know

Teacher: "John, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"

John: "What do you think it is, sir?"

Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"

John: "I don't think I know either, sir!"

老师：“John，动词ring的过去分词是什么?”。

约翰：“你想它是什么呢”?

老师：“我不用想，我知道!”。

约翰：“我想我不知道”。

英语笑话幽默：A Girl's Name 女孩的名字

When our daughter was born, we named her Myles, after my beloved late(已故的) father, despite family warning that the name was too masculine(男性的) .

Years later, when I felt she was old enough to understand, I explained to Myles, Your name is very special. I named you after my own father because I loved him very much. I know he would be proud of you.

Myles thought carefully about this and then said, I know all that, Mom. But I don't understand why my grandfather had a girl's name.

女儿出生时，我们给她取名叫迈尔斯，和我深爱的业已过世的父亲同一个名字，不过家人提醒这个名字太男性化了。

几年以后，我觉得迈尔斯已经长大，能够懂事了。我对她解释说：你的名字很特别。我给你取了一个和我爸爸一样的名字，因为我非常爱他。我相信他会为你而深感自豪的。

迈尔斯很仔细地想了一下，然后说道：这些我都懂，妈妈。可是我不知道外公为什么会有一个女孩子的名字。

英语笑话幽默：电脑问题

我在惠普公司打印机部做技术支持工作已经有一个月了，有一天我接到一位客户的电话，她的问题我没办法解决。她的问题是：打印机不能打出来黄色，但是 其它 颜色都正常。这让我觉得很纳闷，因为三原色就是蓝、红、黄。我建议客户更换墨盒、删了驱动程序然后重新安装，但是都没有效果。我咨询同事们，他们也不知道该怎么办。经过两个多小时的交涉，我打算让客户把打印机寄给我们，这时候她平静地说了一句：“我是不是应该把这张黄纸扔了换一张白纸再打印试试。”

英语笑话幽默：精神病医生

杰瑞去看精神病医生。“医生，我有些不对劲。每次睡觉的时候，我都感觉有人在床下。我要疯了!”“给我一年时间，”医生说，“每周来三次，我会治好你。”“费用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元。”“我会认真考虑的。”杰瑞答道。六个月后医生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“为什么你再也没来呢?”医生问。“一次一百块钱吗?有个酒吧服务生收了十块钱就把我治好了。”“真的?他怎么做到的?”“他让我把床腿锯掉。现在那没人了!”

英语笑话幽默：死后重生

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied."Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.

“你相信人能死后重生吗?”老板问他的一个员工。 “我相信，先生”。这位刚上班不久的员工回答。 “哦，那还好”。老板接着说。 “你昨天提早下班去参加你祖母的葬礼后，她老人家到这儿看你来了。”

英语笑话幽默：他什么都没听到

Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."

我在邮局上班，对于顾客们的各种情绪早已习以为常了。所以，有一天当一个生气的顾客气冲冲地来到我的工作台时，我还是非常平静地问她，“有什么问题吗?”“我早上上街了，”女顾客说，“我回到家的时候，我看到一个卡片，卡片说邮递员要给我们家送包裹，但没人在家。可是我的丈夫整个早上都在家啊。他说他什么都没听到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹给了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顾客喜形于色。“我们等这东西都等多少年了!”“是什么好东西?”我问。“我丈夫的新助听器”。

英语笑话幽默：有效

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

汤姆早上老起不来，所以上班总是迟到。他的老板非常生气，警告他如果他不能有所改善的话就炒他的鱿鱼。于是，汤姆去看医生，医生给了他一颗药丸并告诉他要在睡觉前服下这颗药。汤姆照医生的话做了，睡得非常之好，事实上，他在早上闹钟响之前就起来了。汤姆从容不迫地吃完早餐，然后兴高采烈地开车上班去了。 “老板”，汤姆说，“那药真管用，我的睡眠好极了!” “是够管用的，”老板说，“问题是，昨天你人哪去了”?

英语笑话幽默：两个笨贼

Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first robber said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13 th floor!" The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious!"

两个盗贼在一家旅馆偷东西。第一个说：“我听到警报响了，快跳吧!” 第二个说：“但是我们现在在第13层啊!” 第一个尖叫着回敬他：“都什么时候了，还这么迷信!”

英语笑话幽默：结婚的花费

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

小男孩问他的父亲：“爸爸，结婚要花多少钱?”

His father replied, "I don't know, son, because I'm still paying for it now."

他的父亲回答说：“儿子，我不知道，因为我现在还在为它付账呢。”

长一点的英语笑话带翻译

长一点的英语笑话带翻译

你身边真正的朋友，跟你美丑没多大关系，跟你有钱没钱没多大关系，下面，我给大家收集整理了长一点的英语笑话带翻译，一起来学学幽默，收集好人缘吧!

长一点的英语笑话带翻译一：My Husband Will Be Home Soon

A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard.

"Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."

James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!!"

"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a *y little voice...

"Oh really, I can't," he replies..."My wife loves this beard!!"

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.

我丈夫马上就要回来了

一个已婚男人去拜访他的“女朋友”时，女朋友要求他剃去胡须。

“噢，詹姆斯，我喜欢你的胡子，但我更喜欢看到你英俊的面孔。”

詹姆斯回答说，“我的妻子喜欢我的胡子，所以我不可能剃掉它，否则她会杀了我的。”

“噢，我求你了，”女朋友用一种低沉的、性感的声音又一次说道。

“可是，我不能，”他回答道，“我的妻子喜欢这胡子。”

在女朋友再三请求下，他终于屈服同意了。夜里，在妻子熟睡时，詹姆斯爬上了床。

妻子朦朦胧胧地摸了摸他的脸说道，“噢，迈克尔，你不应该在这里，我的丈夫很快就要回来了。”

长一点的英语笑话带翻译二：

"Guns Buried in the Garden An old man lived alone in Northern Ireland. His only son was in prison. The old man wanted to plant some potatoes in his garden but he didn't know anyone who would help him plow up the garden. He wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!" At 4 AM the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."

一个老人独居在北爱尔兰，他的独生子正在坐牢。老人想在花园里种些土豆，但不知道谁可以帮忙把泥土翻松。他写信想儿子提及此事，儿子回信说道：“看在上帝的面上，千万不要翻松花园的泥土，我把枪埋在那儿了。”第二天凌晨4点，一队英国士兵出现在老人家中，在花园把土地翻遍，但并没有找到任何枪支。” 老人写信告诉儿子这件奇怪的事情，问到底发"生了什么事情，下一步应该怎么做。儿子回信道：“你只管种土豆好了。”

长一点的.英语笑话带翻译三：

"Bill is a good student and an intelligent boy. He likes to study arithmetic, and he can do all of the arithmetic problems in his book easily.One day on his way to school Bill passed a fruit store. There was a sign in the window which said, "Apple-Six for five cents." An idea came to Bill and he went into the store. "How much are the apples?" he asked the store."Six for five cents." "But I don't want six apples." "How many apples do you want?" "It is not a question of how many apples I want. It is a problem in arithmetic." "What do you mean by a problem in arithmetic?" asked the man."Well, if six apples are wroth five cents, then five apples are worth four cents, four apples are worth three cents, three apples are worth rwo cents, two apples are worth one cent and one apple is worth nothing. I only want one apple, and if one apple is worth nothing then it is not necessary for me to pay"you."Billpickedoutagoo"d apple,"begantoeat"it,"and walked happily out of the store. The man looked at the young boy with such surprise that he could not say a word.

比尔是一个好学生，也是个聪明的孩子。他喜欢学数学，课本上所有的数学问题他都能不费劲地解答。有一天，在上学路上，比尔经过一家水果店。该店窗户上有个招牌上写着：“苹果--五美分六个。”比尔脑筋一转，进了店门。 “苹果怎么卖?” “五美分六个。” “但我不想要六个。” “你想要几个?” “这不是我想要几个的问题。这是个数学问题。” “数学问题?你说这话是什么意思?”“你看，如果六个苹果五美分，那么五个苹果四美分，四个苹果三美分，三个苹果二美分，二个苹果一美分，一个苹果就不要钱。我只要一个苹果，如果一个苹果一分钱也不要的话，那我也就没必要给你钱了。”比尔拣了一个好苹果，开始吃了起来，然后兴高采烈地迈出了店门。那个售货员吃惊地望着这个小男孩，一句话也说不出来。

长一点的英语笑话带翻译四：

The Indian Who Could Foretell the Weather Two men were travelling in a very wild and lonely part of America. For days they had not even seen a house， only a few huts made of wood， or tents made of skins. Then one day they met an old Indian who earned his living by trapping animals for heir fur. They found that he knew their language and they had a little conversation with him. One of them asked him if he could tell them what the weather would be like within the next few days. “Oh yes，”he said.“Rain is coming， and wind.Then there will be snow for two days， but after that there will be bright sunshine.” “Is n't that wonderful?” said one man to his friend.“These old Indians know more of the secrets of Nature than we do with all our science. They have not been spoiled by civilization.” Then he turned to the old Indian. “Tell me，”he said，“how you knew all that.” The Indian replied，“I heard it on the radio.”

有两个人在美洲一个非常荒凉偏僻的地区旅行。好多天来，他们连所房子也没看 到，只看见几个木棚子和皮帐篷。一天，他们遇到一个靠猎取兽皮谋生的印第安老人。他们发现他懂得他们的语言，就和他聊了一会儿。其中一个人问他，能否告知近几天的天气如何。 “哦，行啊”，他说。“就要下雨了，还要刮风。接着还得下两天雪。这以后，就是大晴天了。” “这不是太神奇了吗?”一个旅行者对他的朋友说。“这些印第安老人深知大自然的秘密，比我们有科学知识的人知道的还多。他们并没有被现代文明所迷惑。”接着他转向印第安老人： “请问，”他说，“你是怎么知道这一切的呢?” 印第安老人答道：“我是从无线电里听来的。”

简单的英语小笑话(带翻译)

1、Boy:?Is?this?seat?empty??Girl:?Yes?and?this?one?will?be?if?you?sit?down.?男孩：这个座位是空的么？?女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。??

2、Boy:?Can?I?buy?you?a?drink??Girl:?Actually?I'd?rather?have?the?money.?男孩：我可以给你买杯饮料吗？?女孩：你不如直接把钱给我得了。?

3、My?little?dog?can't?read?Mrs.?Brown:?Oh,?my?dear,?I?have?lost?my?precious?little?dog!?Mrs.?Smith:?But?you?must?put?an?advertisement?in?the?papers!??Mrs.?Brown:?It's?no?use,?my?little?dog?can't?read.?

我的狗不识字。布朗夫人：哦，?亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！?史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！?布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”

反正我太太明天会来换的。一位先生走进一家商店要买副手套。?“您是要布的还是皮的？”售货员问。?“没什么区别。”这位顾客回答。?“那您要什么颜色的呢？”售货员又问。“什么颜色都成。”他回答。?“号码呢？”?“您就随便给我拿一副吧，”这位顾客有点不耐烦了，“反正我太太明天都会来换的。”?

5、A??physics?Examination，Once?in?a?physics?examination,?Nick?finished?the?first?question?very?soon,?while?his?classmates?were?thinking?it?hard.??The?question?was:?When?it?thunders?why?do?we?see?the?lighting?first,?then?hear?the?thunder?rolls????

Nick‘s?answer:?Because??our?eyes?are?before?ears.???

一次物理考试。在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。??

6、Jim’s?History?Examination。Uncle:?How?did?Jim?do?in?his?history?examination?Mother:?Oh,?not?at?all?well,?but?there,?it?wasn't?his?fault.?They?asked?him??things?that?happened?before?the?poor?boy?was?born.???

吉姆的历史考试。舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。?

7、he?is?really?somebody。--?My?uncle?has?1000?men?under?him.?--?He?is?really?somebody.?What?does?he?do?--?A?maintenance?man?in?a?cemetery.???

他真是一个大人物。--?我叔叔下面有1000个人。--?他真是一个大人物。干什么的？--?墓地守墓人。

扩展资料：

笑话具有篇幅短小，故事情节简单而巧妙，往往出人意料，给人突然之间笑神来了的奇妙感觉的特点。大多揭示生活中乖谬的现象，具有讽刺性和娱乐性。其趣味有高下之分。

人类历史上，人自从有了语言，就已经出现了开玩笑的语言，最早，人们以口相传，后来有了文字，许多笑话便被记载下来，编书成册。但还有很多笑话，是流传于民间的，就当今社会，每天都有很多笑话出现，有心人如果收集，我想将来一定会有价值。

同时丰富了笑话的宝库。随着近十年网络和手机的飞速发展，随之出现了网络笑话，网络流行语，给力大全，手机笑话，雷人语句，笑料联盟等，促使笑话发展到一个新的阶段。

参考资料：百度百科：笑话

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