我们来都讲笑话吧三个句子 我们来都讲笑话英文
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中英文的短笑话
1. Money is not the problem, the problem is money!
2. Drunk who has not satisfied me, I will help the wall!
3. I leaned on the glass like a fly, the future is bright, but can not find the way out.
4. Big Brother, you know? Two brothers and the meat is more expensive than the master of all
5. If the fish can Bunao make people more intelligent, then you should eat at least one pair of children whales ... ...
6. The water is clear there are no fish, people are invincible to the base.
7. Youth is like toilet paper, looking at Tingzhi may, with the use of forward to not enough ~
8. Huai just like pregnancy, long time before people see it.
9. I have friends around, ah, you have known it quickly so that I can sell the memoirs of a ~ ~ ~
10. Colleagues went to see the customer, may be tight, a opening is: "Mr Lau Hello, may I ask your name ah?" Khan ah ~~~~~~
11. A bit of a black female students, her boyfriend has Taibai some, there are days, days after the dorm was poisonous tongue suddenly blurting her: "You did not, you will give birth to a zebra"
12. Aging mother has always been as handsome and money as dirt, and they have been to see me like this
13. Do not, and I am better than lazy, I'm too lazy and you're better than
14. I am not a casual person and I can be up and not human
15. God said, Let there be light, I said that I oppose, from the world, with the dark
16. Today a bad mood. I have only four sentences say. Include this and the previous two. I finished saying ......
17. A man to do a cow wandering in between A and C who beef
18. My great name of God, little Jesus, the English name of God, Buddhist name, is the Tathagata ...
19. People can not hang in a tree, near the trees at the tree to die several times more to try
20. Trees do not skin, certain death; were shameless, invincible.
21. Farmer 3 boxing a little pain
22. In fact, I have been very popular: a child of my cute now, I love people slut
23. Not afraid of the tiger as the enemy, afraid that the same team-mate pigs
24. Go its own way, let others go by taxi
25. Mice carry the knife, the streets looking for the cat
26. As long as the effort deep shit too seriously
27. Chinese, who ran the fastest? Is Cao Cao (non Liu Xiang). Because that Cao Cao Cao Cao to
28. Thinking of how far, how far you go away
29. Only when long lines at the train station, can we truly realize that they are "descendants of the dragon."
30. Lovers and eventually became a family
31. Spring arrived, a group of geese are flying north, while arranged in B fonts T fonts arranged in a while ..
32. Where, where to lie down on the fall
33. Tiger does not shout at you when I was a HELLO KITTY!
34. The donkey is the idea came back ~
◆ woman fat or plump thin is thin high slender dwarf is petite; men fat or thin is ribs pig dwarf bamboo is high is Professor of melon ◆: 90% of adult women in China was not a virgin do send a letter to the President of the other 10% Have you heard of this woman do? Public girls shaking his head. "So you have not received the letter!" ◆ "I have a sort of love you?" "As much as a dime." "Only so little?" "Not a dime is 'very' me?" ◆ You long creative, living your courage, ugly is not your intention, God made a temper, live, without you, who set off the beauty of the world!
01. The early bird catches the worm, Early Riser, eaten by birds!
02. And a whale MM argument is not a fish, finally, I said, "say the word, I also take personal," she agreed to a whale That was not the fish.
03. Tiechu to grind needles, but can only be ground into a toothpick Mu Chu, material does not, more effort is useless.
04. If Replies is a virtue, then I would become a saint.
05. Life can not be like cooking, all the materials are ready before the pot.
06. I heard a woman such as clothing, brother of brotherhood. Looking back, I actually busy divvying up the streaker for 20 years!
07. Wear someone else's shoes, go its own way, let them go play in the search.
08. There is a very ancient legend, said to be in the XX beautiful campus to see who will live forever ... ...
09. Are the eggs all over the world together can break stones? ! So life is still to be realistic ... ...
10. Not afraid of the tiger as the enemy, afraid of pigs as teammates!
11. Summer is not good, poor northwest wind when I could not even get to drink ... no ...
12. I've had a pair of wings, but I did not use it in the sky, but on the stew pot ... ...
13. The water is clear there are no fish were to base the invincible!
14. I am not a casual person, and I can not man up.
15. Today, I say to my school group visits - to tell the truth, this is the first time I said, I see the clothes!
16. Thinking of how far, how far you roll! ! !
17. I am poor, my family's servants also very poor, my family's gardener is also very poor, very poor drivers of my home ... ...
19. On the horse, not necessarily a prince, he may be the Tang Monk; with angel wings are not necessarily, he may be a bird person.
20. Huai just like pregnancy, long time before people see it.
21. Points higher, farther urine.
22. A minimum goal of Students: peasant woman, spring, a bit field
23. I phone a friend in his girlfriend's name is "he", then they broke up, they become "it" ... ...
24. Nothing matters not to me, and something not to me!
25. Do you think I will watch you die you go to? I will close my eyes to!
27. What shall I love you to death ... ...
28. Network is like a prison, stole a purse originally came in, so when anything out of the learned.
29. Angels fly the reason is because they themselves see very light ... ...
30. I want to puppy love, but it is too late ... ...
31. Shitai! You from the old monk it!
32. I love you! None of your business?
33. Xuehaiwuya, repent and be saved!
34. Life tmd fun, because life is to play my old tmd!
35. This world, I believe two people, one is me and the other is not you.
36. I do not know who bed-law, daughter-I do not know who's bed!
37. I wish I could personally control your grandfather cry: Daddy!
38. NTUT lied to me four years in college, so I'm going to teach me the knowledge of fraud Greeley social life!
39. I have friends around, ah, you have known it quickly so that I can sell the memoirs of a ~ ~ ~
40. When you put on love, wedding, and I put on a monk's robe ... ...
41. Never seen such a disgusting school - the midterm exam is set at May 8! ! ! (Cover up)
42. Prices higher and higher, so fewer and fewer good men ... ...
43. If I do the emperor, on the seal when you Prince!
44. I have a friend phone in his girlfriend's name is "he", then they broke up, they become "it" ... ...
45. Has never become a good student, is strong and reliable quality!
46. Damn, I been complaints against the! Customers say the mp3 files I gave him no images!
47. Life sometimes is like eunuchs **** it - resistance is painful, do not resist or pain!
48. Will each reduce the number of girls to boys behind the 6!
49. East say the west side of the rain, I am enthusiastic teacher mercilessly. So when I test the door to the common struggle and students!
50. What a strange thing to embrace, clearly depend on so close, but not see each other face
1.钱不是问题，问题是没钱！
2.喝醉了我谁也不服,我就扶墙!
3.我就像一只趴在玻璃上的苍蝇，前途一片光明，但又找不到出路．
4.大师兄，你知道吗？二师兄的肉现在比师傅的都贵了
5.如果多吃鱼可以补脑让人变聪明的话，那么你至少得吃一对儿鲸鱼……
6.水至清则无鱼，人至贱则无敌。
7.青春就像卫生纸，看着挺多得，用着用着就不够了~
8.怀才就像怀孕，时间久了才能让人看出来。
9.我身边的朋友们啊，你们快点出名吧，这样我的回忆录就可以畅销了~~~
10.同事去见客户,可能是紧张,一开口便是：“刘先生你好,请问你贵姓啊?”汗啊~~~~~~
11.一女同学黑了些,她男友又太白了些,有天宿舍里得毒舌天后突然对她冒出一句：“你们这样不行,你们会生出斑马来的”
12.老娘一向视帅哥与金钱如粪土，而他们也一直是这样看我的
13.不要和我比懒,我懒得和你比
14.我不是个随便的人 我随便起来不是人
15.上帝说,要有光,我说我反对,从此世界上有了黑暗
16.今天心情不好.我只有四句话想说.包括这句和前面的两句.我的话说完了......
17.做人就要做一个徘徊在牛A和牛C之间的人
18.我的大名叫上帝，小名叫耶稣，英文名God， 法号是如来...
19.人不能在一棵树上吊死，要在附近几棵树上多死几次试试
20.树不要皮，必死无疑；人不要脸，天下无敌。
21.农夫三拳有点疼
22.其实我一直很受人欢迎的：小时候的我人见人爱，如今的我人贱人爱
23.不怕虎一样的敌人，就怕猪一样的队友
24.走自己的路，让别人打车去吧
25.老鼠扛刀，满街找猫
26.只要功夫深，拉屎也认真
27.中国人谁跑的最快？是曹操（非刘翔）。因为说曹操曹操到
28.思想有多远，你就给我滚多远
29.只有在火车站大排长龙时，才能真正意识到自己是“龙的传人”。
30.有情人终成家属
31.春天来了,一群大雁正向北飞,一会儿排成B字型,一会儿排成T字型..
32.在哪里跌倒 就在哪里躺下
33.老虎不发威 你当我是HELLO KITTY！
34.驴是的念来过倒~
◆女人胖是丰满 瘦是苗条 高是修长 矮是娇小；男人胖是肥猪 瘦是排骨 高是竹竿矮是冬瓜 ◆教授：我国成年女性有90%不是处女 总统为此寄信给其他10%的女性 你们听说过此事吗？众女生摇头。“那么说你们都没有收到信！” ◆“你爱我有几分？”“一毛钱之多。”“只有这么一点吗？”“一毛钱不就是‘十分’吗？” ◆你长的很有创意，活着是你的勇气，丑不是你的本意，是上帝发了脾气，活下去，没有你，谁来衬托世界的美丽！
01.早起的鸟儿有虫吃，早起的虫儿被鸟吃！
02.和一MM争论鲸鱼是不是鱼，最后我说“曰本人也带个人字”，她这才同意鲸鱼不是鱼。
03.铁杵能磨成针，但木杵只能磨成牙签，材料不对，再努力也没用。
04.如果回帖是一种美德，那我早就成为圣人了。
05.人生不能像做菜、把所有的料都准备好才下锅。
06.听说女人如衣服，兄弟如手足。回想起来，我竟然七手八脚的裸奔了20年！
07.穿别人的鞋，走自己的路，让他们打的找去吧。
08.有一个很古老的传说，说是在XX校园内能看到美女的人会长生不老……
09.难道全世界的鸡蛋联合起来就能打破石头吗？！所以做人还是要现实些……
10.不怕虎一样的敌人，就怕猪一样的队友！
11.夏天就是不好，穷的时候我连西北风都没得喝……
12.我也曾有过一双翅膀，不过我没用它在天上翱翔，而是放在锅里炖汤……
13.水至清则无鱼，人至贱则无敌！
14.我不是随便的人，我随便起来不是人。
15.今天一群曰本人来我校参观——说实话，这是我第一次看到穿衣服的曰本人！
16.思想有多远，你就滚多远！！！
17.我很穷，我家的佣人也很穷，我家的园丁也很穷，我家的司机也很穷……
18.银行收费时说：“这符合国际惯例！”服务时却说：“要考虑中国国情！”
19.骑白马的不一定是王子，他可能是唐僧；带翅膀的也不一定是天使，他可能是鸟人。
20.怀才就像怀孕，时间久了才能让人看出来。
21.站的更高，尿的更远。
22.一大学生 最低奋斗目标：农妇，山泉，有点田
23.我朋友在他女友手机里的名字是“他”，后来他们分手了，就变成了“它”……
24.没什么事不要找我，有事更不用找我！
25.你以为我会眼睁睁地看着你去送死吗？我会闭上眼睛的！
26.佛曰：“前世的500次回眸才换来今生的一次擦肩而过”。我宁愿用来世的一次擦肩而过来换得今生的500次回眸。
27.我拿什么整死你的爱人……
28.网络就像是监狱，本来是偷了个钱包进来的，等出去的时候就什么都学会了。
29.天使之所以会飞，是因为她们把自己看得很轻……
30.我想早恋，但是已经晚了……
31.师太！你就从了老衲吧！
32.我爱你！关你什么事？
33.学海无涯，回头是岸！
34.生活tmd好玩，因为生活老tmd玩我！
35.这个世界上我只相信两个人，一个是我，另一个不是你。
36.我床上的不知道是谁媳妇，我媳妇不知道在谁的床上！
37.我真想亲口管你爷爷叫声：爹！
38.北科大骗了我大学四年，所以我打算用北科大教我的知识骗社会一辈子！
39.我身边的朋友们啊，你们快点出名吧，这样我的回忆录就可以畅销了~~~
40.当你穿上了爱情的婚纱，我也披上了和尚的袈裟……
41.没见过这么恶心的学校——把期中考试订在5月8号！！！（隐讳）
42.房价越来越高，所以，好男人越来越少……
43.如果我做了皇帝，就封你当太子！
44.我朋友在他女友手机里的名字是“他”，后来他们分手了，就变成了“它”……
45.始终没有沦为一名优秀的大学生，靠的就是坚强品质！
46.妈的，我被人投诉了！客户说我给他的mp3文件没有图像！
47.生活有时就像被太监****一样——反抗是痛苦，不反抗还是痛苦！
48.将每个女生后面的男生数减少到6名！
49.东边曰出西边雨，导师无情我有情。所以考试时我要和同学门共同奋战！
50.拥抱真是个奇怪的东西，明明靠的那么近，却看不见彼此的脸
英语笑话
一个苏格兰人去伦敦，想顺便探望一位老朋友，但却忘了他的住址，于是给家父发了一份电报：“您知道托马的住址吗？速告
当天，他就收到一份加急回电：“知道。”三峡博客
有三个人到纽约度假。他们在一座高层宾馆的第45层订了一个套房。
一天晚上，大楼电梯出现故障，服务员安排他们在大厅过夜。三峡博客
他们商量后，决定徒步走回房间，并约定轮流说笑话、唱歌和讲故事，以减轻登楼的劳累。
笑话讲了，歌也唱了，好不容易爬到第34层，大家都感觉精疲力竭。
“好吧，彼德，你来讲个幽默故事
彼德说：“故事不长，却令人伤心至极：我把房间的钥匙忘在大厅了。”
这个笑话挺好笑的.生字应该不多.你自己也学查查字典.(我说个大意噢:一位伊利若州男子离开 冰天雪地的芝加哥到佛罗
里达州度假.他的妻子正在外地公干,准备到时候在佛州会合.该男子到了佛州,驻进酒店,就急忙给他妻子发电子邮件.但是他将太太的网址打错一个字母,结果这封邮件发到了一位牧师太太手里,她的丈夫前一天刚过世,她为此在伤心欲绝.当她打开这封错发来的邮件时,惨叫一声,两腿一蹬,死了.
邮件是这样写的:
亲爱的,
我刚来报到.正准备迎接你明天的到来.
爱你的夫君
对了,这下面真的好热唉.(Illinois是美国东部一个州.冬天很冷.Florida在美国南部,一年气候都比较热. )
A BIG E-mail Mistake 一封致命的邮件
An Illinois man left the snowballed streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Your Loving Husband.
我从蛋壳里一钻出来，听到的第一句话就是妈妈撕心裂肺的喊声:“上帝啊！”开始我还以为自己的相貌长得像上帝，才使妈妈惊讶到如此地步，但是当我看到兄弟姐妹们蹲在墙角呕吐时，我感觉事情并不像我想像得那样简单。果然，当父亲看到我以后，便一脸怒气地追着妈妈跑了三条街，还边跑边喊:“你说！这个孩子是谁的！”
母爱是伟大的，虽然老娘一看到我就有呕吐、头晕、腹泻等临床反应，但是她还是紧闭双目，含着泪花带着我和兄弟姐妹们到河边游泳。
不过别人对我可就不这么友善了，很多人说我一定是尼斯湖水怪的私生子，因为我父母的蜜月就是在尼斯湖那里度过的；有人说上帝制造我的时候一定喝多了；还有人说在我还是蛋的时候一定被猪亲过，不过农场里的猪却表示了强烈抗议，他们说，要是自己长成了这个样子，那还不如被做成香肠呢。后来，农场主发现了我，就在他看到我的那一瞬间，他患上了一种怪病，浑身抽搐，口吐白沫，目光呆滞，半天才喃喃自语说道:“我要杀了他喂狗，我要杀了他喂狗。”结果农场里的狗听到后，全体咬舌自尽了。
农场里是无法待下去了，我决定离家出走，太伤自尊了。
一天夜里，我偷偷地蹓出了农场，本以为我的举动人不知、鬼不觉，但是当迈腿跨出农场的那一刻，我听到身后传来了惊天动地的欢呼声。难道我真的这么不受欢迎？！我的心啊，哇凉哇凉的，积压在胸中的悲愤终于达到了饱和，我对着苍天大声地喊道:“苍天啊！其实我并不丑！”话音刚落，顿时天上乌云密布，一道闪电划破天空在地上劈出三个大字: “你说谎！”算了，连苍天都鄙视我，我还是找一个没有人烟的地方隐居起来吧。
不知道走了多久，我来到了一片沼泽地，这里人烟稀少，估计不会再有人嘲笑我了。结果一个孩子的喊声又让我失望了……
小野鸭:“呀！妈妈！我发现了传说中的恐龙哦！”
野鸭妈妈:“孩子啊，不要乱说话，恐龙早就绝种了，啊？这是什么？！虽然这个生物长得很畸形，但是经过我仔细观察后断定，他应该是一只鸭子。”
小野鸭:“但是他为什么长得那么难看啊。”
野鸭妈妈:“这是因为他吃饭的时候总挑食，所以长成了这个样子。孩子，如果你以后再不吃青椒的话，也会变成这个样子的。”
小野鸭:“好可怕啊，妈妈，以后我再也不挑食了。”
天啊！我是很喜欢吃青椒的，而且我也从来都不挑食！我想辩解，可他们却飞走了，临走时那只老母野鸭还喃喃自语地说:“也不知道他那么丑会不会传染。”我完全失去了活下去的信心，想找根绳子上吊，可没有一根绳子愿意让我挂上去；我想喝农药，可农药躲在瓶子里怎么也不愿意流进我嘴里；我想让猎人把我打死，可他们见到我却哭着喊着地说:“求求你饶了我们吧，打死你我们会倒一辈子的霉！”
丑小鸭(2)
作者 : 林长治
不过世上还是有好人的，一天傍晚，我被一个孤苦伶仃老太太收留了，后来我才知道，她还有一个儿子，她儿子在巴黎圣母院敲钟，名字好像叫卡西莫多。老太太对我很好，但是她养的那只胖母鸡和那只大肥猫却总歧视我，他俩时不时地就在我面前飞快地眨着眼睛，一开始我还以为他们的眼睛有毛病，后来才知道，他们是在向我炫耀自己的双眼皮！我不去理他们，他们就问我:
“你会下蛋吗？”
“你会抓老鼠吗？”
“你会打鸣吗？”
“你会喵喵叫吗？”
我是一只鸭子，而且是一只公鸭子，怎么可能会这些呢？当他们知道我什么都不会的时候便说:“长得丑不是你的错，但是跑出来吓人可就是你的不对了，而且你什么本事都没有，你还活个什么劲啊。”
我无话可说，的确我什么本事都没有，可是这怪我吗？过去农场里的鸭子学校我只去过三次，但是每当我一进教室，老师就宣布放假。我不想吃闲饭，不想被他们歧视，于是便离开了老太太家，想去整整容，可是整容师一见到我全都改行杀猪了。心灰意冷，我来到了一个湖边准备跳河自杀，可我是一只鸭子！虽然我什么本事都没有，可该死的游泳我竟然会！没办法，我只好上了岸，就在这个时候，湖里的癞蛤蟆流着口水，拿着碗筷朝着天空呱呱地叫个不停。怎么回事？我抬头望去，天啊，有一群雪白的大鸟从天边飞了过来，他们白得发亮，颈项又长又柔软，行动起来就像是在跳芭蕾舞，为什么？！为什么？！为什么同样是长着羽毛的扁嘴动物，相貌却相差这么大啊！他们到底是谁？对了，有句俗话不是叫癞蛤蟆想吃天鹅肉吗？看这湖里垂涎三尺的癞蛤蟆，我敢肯定，他们就是传说中的天鹅！我暗暗发誓，今生一定多做善事，积点阴德，来世也做一只美丽的天鹅。
从见到天鹅的那天起，我心中有了坚定的信念，为了来世能长得漂亮点，我给老头让过座，帮迷路的小蝌蚪找到了妈妈，当然，这一切都是带着面具做的。当我做了许许多多的好事后，大家开始议论我，夸奖我了，并送我个外号叫蒙面超人。我知道，如果不蒙面的话，我连做好事的权利都不会有。
转眼间，冬天到了，我依旧带着面具四处寻找需要帮助的人，就当我走到河边的时候，只听一个人惊慌失措地喊道:“不好了，河里小孩大大的有……”我定睛一看，啊？！有个小孩子掉到冰窟窿里了！
“不要怕！我来了！”我大喊一声，飞身跳进了冰窟窿，为了显示自己的本事，在空中还来了个侧体后空翻三百六十度，“扑通”一声跳进水里，哪里想到冲力太大，竟然把我面具给冲了下来，水里的小孩一看到我的样子，“嗖”的一声从水里钻了出来，飞快地爬上岸屁滚尿流地跑回家了。我也正想爬上去，没想到河里的水竟然因为我的相貌而在一瞬间凝固结冰了，我像速冻水饺一样，被冻在了河里。
不知道过了多久，我终于醒过来了，睁开眼一看，呀！春天来了！啊？几只天鹅竟然微笑着向我打招呼！不会吧！有只癞蛤蟆流着口水朝我游了过来！我连忙挥动了几下翅膀，天啊！我竟然飞起来了！看看水中的倒影，上帝啊！水中呈现的竟然是天鹅的影子！看看自己的羽毛，哦！竟然也像雪一样的白！难道我变成天鹅了？这不是在做梦吧！我咬了自己的舌头一下，娘啊，好疼！不是做梦啊，我真的变成天鹅了！难道是我的行为感动了苍天？不管怎样，我现在是天鹅了！得赶紧印几盒名片好发给大家！
从此以后，我的生活发生了翻天覆地的变化: 很多人向我要签名，很多人要求我和他们合影，不管走到哪里，都有一些雌性哭着喊着给我递情书……当然，变成天鹅也有些麻烦，尤其是那些癞蛤蟆，总想占我便宜。但是，我依然感觉，做帅哥，挺好！所以在此我奉劝那些长得不好看的朋友们，只要你们多做好事，就一定会变成帅哥的！我就是一个活生生的例子，当我还是一只丑小鸭的时候，我做梦也没有想到会有这么多的幸福！
抽筋测试
作者 : 林长治
一、疯狂选择。
1. 丑小鸭对着苍天喊我不丑时，雷劈出了（ ）。
A. 打雷了，下雨收衣服啊 B.“你说谎！”
C. 办证
2. 想吃天鹅肉的是（ ）。
A. 癞蛤蟆 B. 丑小鸭 C. 大肥猫
3. 丑小鸭最后变成了（ ）。
A. 超级赛亚人 B. 咸蛋超人 C. 白天鹅
二、无聊填填看。
撕心裂肺 惊天动地 孤苦伶仃 垂涎三尺
1. 看这湖里（ ）的癞蛤蟆，我敢肯定，他们就是传说中的天鹅！
2. 一天傍晚，我被一个（ ）的老太太收留了。
3. 我从蛋壳里一钻出来，听到的第一句话就是妈妈（ ）的喊声。
4. 我听到身后传来了（ ）的欢呼声。
三、无厘判断。
1. 丑小鸭是尼斯湖水怪的私生子，所以他才那样丑陋。（ ）
2. 农场主看到丑小鸭后嘴里不停地说:“给我根猴皮筋儿，做弹弓子，打你们家玻璃。”（ ）
3. 丑小鸭后来由于经常帮助别人，因此大家叫他“活雷锋”。（ ）
4. 丑小鸭救落水儿童的时候被冻在了河里。（ ）
四、有人说丑小鸭是个幸运的鸭子，因为他和唐老鸭一样出名；有人说丑小鸭很不幸，因为童年的经历给他身心都带来了极大的创伤。对于以上两种说法，你赞同哪一种？为什么？
五、文中对丑小鸭的相貌从未做正面描写，但是却能感觉到他的相貌很难看，请摘录下能反映出丑小鸭丑陋相貌的句子。
六、身体力行。
大家有空的时候要多做好事，助人为乐（注意！帮小朋友吃雪糕和带着老奶奶玩摩天车不属于助人为乐）。
小红帽(1)
作者 : 林长治
当里格当，卟里格卟……竹板这么一打呀，别的咱不夸，单夸一夸聪明伶俐、超级无敌可爱mini的小——红——帽！这个小红帽，可是不一般，她是皮薄馅大……（一次警告！）咳咳，一个褶也没有……
话分八头。这天，小红帽在景阳冈喝了十八碗透瓶香，提着哨棒就上了山冈……（二次警告！）啊嗬嗬！啊嗬嗬嗬！她刚来到山岗上，就碰见了武松，武松说:“Oh！kitty！你走错路了吧！”于是，小红帽就回家睡觉了……
第二天上午，小红帽睁开眼就听见妈妈的声音。
“小红帽，太阳都晒屁股了，快点起床！”
“骗人！我屁股在被窝里呢！”
“好啦！快起来！你姥姥一大早就来了，说她生病了，走不动路，让你中午给她送饭呢！”
“啊？走不动路还一大早就来？姥姥呢？”
“她去打鱼去了。”
“上帝保佑我无厘头的姥姥……哎？我怎么感觉醉醺醺的？你趁我睡着给我灌酒了？”
“死丫头，谁给你灌酒了，还不是昨晚酒心巧克力吃多了！”
“对了，妈妈，今天我能不能不戴那顶红色的帽子啊！太冤了，太乡下人了！”
“不行！你们姐妹七个，正好是赤橙红绿青蓝紫，每人一种颜色的帽子，这样我和你爸才能把你们区分开。”
“哼！那你和爸爸为什么不也带上帽子，让我们好区分呢？”
“臭丫头，你找死哇！快起来刷脸洗牙吃饭写作业练琴修拖拉机……”
小红帽唱着歌就来到了树林中，小伙伴们听到歌声，早就在那里等她了。
小红帽:“哇咿！哇咿！小毛人，想我了没？”
小毛人:“想了！”
小红帽:“哪里想啊？”
小毛人:“胃！”
小怪兽:“废话少说，今天带什么好吃的啦！”
小红帽:“嘻嘻，小怪兽很心急嘛，几天没见，你又怪了不少嘛，眉毛都长在下巴上啦！”
小怪兽:“我晕！那是胡子。白痴！”
小红帽(2)
大家抢过篮子，翻了起来……
“哎呀！”小怪兽一声惨叫。“好痛！”大家连忙看去，原来篮子里有个老鼠夹紧紧夹住了小怪兽的爪子。老鼠夹旁边还有张字条:“谁偷吃谁倒霉！”是小红帽妈妈的字。
小伙伴们:“你妈够阴险啊！还好只有一个老鼠夹，快把饭盒拿出来！”
小红帽把饭盒都拿了出来，大家一看，全傻眼了。饭盒是密码锁的……
小恐龙:“你妈真比怪兽还怪，饭盒都上密码锁。”
小红帽:“对不起呀，下次我一定给你们带很多很多好吃的。我口袋里还有点吃的，要不要啊？”
小怪兽:“啊？有吃的？是什么？拿来拿来！”
小红帽:“呶，给你饼干渣……”
小伙伴们:“……”
小红帽:“我要去给姥姥送饭啦！等我回来再跟你们玩哟！”
小怪兽:“别忘了从你姥姥家带点好吃的来。”
小红帽:“嗯！”
小毛人:“对了，小红帽，有件事忘了告诉你了，最近树林里搬来了一个大型哺乳动物，很厉害的，你可要当心哟！”
小红帽:“哇咿！大型哺乳动物！？厉害吗？好想见见它呀！什么是哺乳动物呀？为什么要当心？”
小毛人:“靠！哺乳动物就是吃奶的动物！小心它把你吃掉！”
小红帽:“哈哈哈哈……小毛人你好幽默，既然它是吃奶的动物，干嘛要吃我？我又不是奶！”
小毛人:“人家是小时候吃奶，长大了才吃人的！”
小红帽哭了:“呜呜……我也是小时候吃奶……长大以后会吃人？呜呜……”
小毛人:“唉！真伤脑筋。别哭啦！你是人，它是大灰狼。完全不一样的。”小红帽:“别骗我啊，我要去送饭了，大家再见！”
与此同时，小毛人说的那只大灰狼一直躲在树后看着小红帽他们。
大灰狼自语道:“唉……这是什么地方啊！太可怕了，竟然有这么多怪东西！我可是一只极富艺术气质的狼啊。一直以来，我都沉迷在凡·高画作的迷茫颓废和毕加索作品的激情震撼之中……然而，我又是一只普通的狼，我要吃肉。你们看看，这些物体，什么小毛人，小怪兽，小恐龙……能吃吗？看了就恶心，哪里还有胃口！我搬家到这里，都快疯了。至少也来点稍微正常点的东西来让我吃吧，唉……不过，今天，今天竟然来了一个戴红帽子的白白嫩嫩的小女孩！一定很美味，而且看她的穿着，一定很有艺术细胞，吃了之后对我的艺术造诣肯定是有帮助的！啊喉喉喉！吃定她了！”
大灰狼跟着小红帽出了树林。路边的花朵很美丽，小红帽就去摘，当她弯下身子采花时，大灰狼瞅准时机，一个很优雅的动作扑了过去……
小红帽突然一个回头，大灰狼张着爪子怔在了那里。
小红帽:“……”
大灰狼:“……”
小红帽突然尖叫道:“哇咿！哇咿！好大的一只猫咪啊！”
大灰狼后脑勺旋即滴下一坨子大汗……“笨蛋！你竟敢叫我猫咪？！猫咪有我这么长的瓜子脸嘛！再说了，猫咪有我这样高雅的气质吗？”
小红帽好奇地问:“那请问阿姨，你是谁啊？”
大灰狼气急败坏:“Shit！阿姨？你男女不分啊！我是男的！我是大灰狼！”
小红帽很兴奋:“哇咿！你是男的呀！好帅啊！做我的男朋友吧！好吗？好吗？”
大灰狼后脑勺的汗继续滴:“你今天忘了吃药了吧！哪有人找大灰狼做男朋友的？”
小红帽(3)
作者 : 林长治
小红帽很伤心:“我又失恋了……你不喜欢我……你好狠心呀！”
大灰狼:“你不要这么说，毕竟我们之间气质差距太大，没有共同语言……靠，什么乱七八糟的！不跟你扯了，看我吃掉你！”说着又扑了过去。
小红帽:“等一下，大灰狼哥哥，我知道你是跟我闹着玩儿的。既然你不愿意做我的男朋友，那么我就去给姥姥送饭去了……不过，临走之前，我想让你看看我画的画，希望你能记住我。”
大灰狼:“你也会画画？真不可思议，好吧，拿给我看看。”
小红帽从上衣的兜兜里拿出一个小本本，打开给大灰狼看:“你看，这个是两个头的小鸟；这个是长着大象鼻子的猫咪……”
大灰狼受不了啦，他“哇”地一声吐了一地:“天哪！这也叫画！简直是对艺术的玷污！我不行了，完全没有胃口了。我赶紧回家吧，太受刺激了我！”大灰狼踉跄着跑了。
小红帽很失望，继续往外婆家走。
大灰狼跑着跑着，越想越觉得不甘心:“不行，我饿啊！吃掉这个不懂艺术的小孩总比吃那些毛人怪兽强吧。对，肚子要紧，回去吃她……哎？不行，现在她一定离树林很远了，路上人多，不好下手，怎么办？对了，她不是要给姥姥送饭吗？我先去她姥姥家，吃掉她姥姥，然后再等她送上门来！哈哈，我真是个天才呀……不过，她姥姥家在哪儿呢？对了，打个电话问问。”
大灰狼打电话给114。
“喂！请问姥姥家在哪儿？”
“05号为您服务，你这人有病吧，给你个精神病院的电话，请记录: 6446×××。”
“靠！你丫才有病呢！讨厌……”
大灰狼没办法，只好一家一家地去找，傍晚十分，他终于找到了小红帽的姥姥家。为了不引起她姥姥的怀疑，他不知从哪里拣来一顶红色的帽子戴上来冒充小红帽，敲开了门。
大灰狼捏细了嗓子说:“姥姥，姥姥，我来给你送饭来了。”
姥姥显然很生气，说:“我还以为你不来了呢！让你送个午饭，晚上才来，想饿死姥姥哇！”
“不能怪我呀！是妈妈动作太慢……”
“哎？小红帽，几天没见，你长得越发出息了嘛！胡子也长出来了，脸也长了，浑身上下散发着一种卓而不凡的艺术气息……”
大灰狼:“啊哈哈哈哈！舒服，真舒服！还是老太太您有眼力哇！不过……”说着，一口就将姥姥吞到了肚子里！
姥姥:“哎呀！谁把灯关了？啊？啊？我炉子上还烧着水呢！小红帽，别闹了。”
大灰狼窃笑，换上姥姥的衣服，钻进被窝，就等着小红帽送上门来了。
他等啊等，等啊等，等得月亮都要洗脚睡觉了……小红帽终于来啦！
小红帽一进门就嚷嚷开了:“姥姥，姥姥！小红帽来啦！给你送饭来啦！”
狼外婆:“小红帽啊，姥姥我想死你了！怎么这么晚才来啊！”
小红帽:“刚才在路上，快下雨了，就帮着蚂蚁搬家呢！”
狼外婆:“真是个好孩子啊，过来，让姥姥看看你。”
小红帽走到床前，突然，她叫道:“哇咿！哇咿！姥姥你好有气势，脸上怎么长了这么多毛？好酷哟！我也要长，我也要！”
狼外婆:“傻孩子，姥姥的毛长长了，是想你想的啊！”
小红帽:“哇咿！姥姥你的声音怎么变得如此有磁性？如此有穿透力？好像刀郎的嗓音！”
狼外婆:“切！外婆的声音怎会像个土人？我是想你想成这嗓音的啊！”
小红帽:“哇咿！姥姥，你的指甲怎么这么尖？”
狼外婆:“想你想的啊！”
小红帽:“哇咿！姥姥，你的脸怎么这么长？”
小红帽(4)
作者 : 林长治
狼外婆:“想你想的。”
小红帽:“哇咿！姥姥，炉子上的水开了怎么也不关火？”
狼外婆:“想你想的呗……咳咳，别管它，让我亲亲你先……”大灰狼想趁亲小红帽的机会把小红帽也吃掉。“哎？小红帽，你在干嘛？摸什么呢？”
小红帽:“姥姥，今天我在树林里遇见了一只非常可爱的大猫咪，就把他画了下来，给你看看……”
大灰狼看了一眼就把小红帽的姥姥给吐了出来，然后晕死过去……
小红帽:“哇咿！姥姥你好时髦，还会变异克隆！这下好了，我有两个姥姥啦！”
姥姥:“小红帽，你看，你又调皮了不是，变来变去的不说，还把灯给关了……”
这时，树林里等小红帽从姥姥那里带东西给他们吃的小伙伴们，等到憔悴都没等来小红帽，大家一起来到了小红帽的姥姥家。他们进来就看见了晕死在地上的狼外婆。
小怪兽上去把狼外婆的衣服扒下来后，大家一阵惊呼:“哇噻！这是哪位壮士打死了树林头号大坏蛋——大灰狼？”
小红帽一看原来是树林的大猫咪，很奇怪，就问:“他就是小毛人说的会吃人的大型哺乳动物——大灰狼？”
小毛人:“不错！”
小红帽愣了半天，大家还以为她吓傻了，问她:“喂！小红帽，你没事吧！”
小红帽半天才挤出一句话，让大家都翻倒在地:“哇咿！大灰狼！果然很灰啊！”
小怪兽:“哎？大灰狼好像还在喘气！”
小毛人:“大家快趁他不能动，打死他！”
小红帽:“不要，不要打死他。我们可不可以这样来玩……”
于是，大家听了小红帽的主意，把大灰狼的肚子剪开，然后在里面装上很多石头，就把他扔到了树林里……从此，树林里就安全了，小红帽一家和姥姥还有小伙伴们过上了幸福的生活。
大灰狼醒来后，觉得口渴，就去找水喝，哪成想，肚子一下就拖在了地上，方才知道自己肚子里被放了这么多石头……
大灰狼:“为什么，受伤的总是我？竟然被一帮不懂艺术的怪物给整成这样，命苦啊！装了这么石头在我肚子里，也不给按个拉链，我好拿出来……只能慢慢拉出来了……这么多，要拉到什么时候哇！”
P.S. Sure is hot down here. 赞同0| 评论
求英语小笑话字不多无所谓,但是要50来个,不要重复大哥大姐快帮忙,知 ...
Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?
John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short.
老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁给我举个例子？
约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。
Best time
Teacher:When is the best time to pick the fruit form the trees?
Student:When the watchman is not there.
1.Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"
2.Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
3.Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
Endearingterms可爱的称呼
Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."
Bernie应邀来到他的朋友Morris家吃晚餐。在朋友家,Bernie发现,不管问他老婆什么问题,Morris总要在每句话的前面加上一些亲密的称呼,象蜜糖,我的爱人,亲爱的,甜心等等。Bernie对Morris说,“你们夫妻俩真够亲密的,结婚这么多年了,你还叫她叫得那么亲密。”Morris低下头,小声地对Bernie说,“老实跟你说吧,三年前我忘记老婆的真名是什么了。”
我把他吊起来让他晾干
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking by the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I hung him up to dry."
Jim和Mary都是精神病院里的病人。一天,他们沿着医院的游泳池散步,Jim突然跳入泳池的深水区,他沉到了底部。Mary立刻跳下去救他,她潜到水底,把Jim拉了上来。
当院长听闻了Mary的英勇行为后,他立刻翻看了她的病历档案,把她叫进了自己的办公室,“Mary,我有一个好消息和一个坏消息要告诉你。好消息是你能跳入水中救其他病人,这说明你的意识已经恢复了,你可以出院了。坏消息就是,Jim,你救的那个病人,他还是用自己的浴袍带子在浴室上吊自杀了。”
Mary说:“他没有自杀,是我把他吊起来好让他晾干。”
allybaby
Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"
两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
Itworked真的有效
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.
"Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"
"That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"
Tom早上老起不来,所以上班总是迟到。他的老板非常生气,警告他如果他不能有所改善的话就炒他的鱿鱼。于是,Tom去看医生,医生给了他一颗药丸并告诉他要在睡觉前服下这颗药。Tom照医生的话做了,睡得非常之好,事实上,他在早上闹钟响之前就起来了。Tom从容不迫地吃完早餐,然后兴高采烈地开车上班去了。
“老板”,Tom说,“那药真管用,我的睡眠好极了!”
FiveHundredTimes五百遍
In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. A wild gleam came into the judge's eye. "You are a school teacher, eh?" said he. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write 'I went through a red light' five hundred times."
在中西部一个大城市的交通法庭里,一位年轻女士被带到法官面前,她由于开车闯红灯被开了罚单。女士向法官解释,她是一名学校老师,请求法官马上处理她的案子,以便可以赶回去上课。法官眼中闪过一丝狡黠,说道:“你是学校的老师,对吗?女士,我马上要实现我毕生的愿望了。在那张桌子旁坐下,写‘我开车闯了红灯’500遍。”
Sharing the Apples
Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his Mum. Share them with your sister, she said.
So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large one.
Cor! said his sister, If Mum had given them to me I’d have given you the large one and had the small one myself.
Well, said Harry, that’s what you’ve got, so what are you worrying about?
分苹果
妈妈给了哈里两个苹果，一个大一点，另一个小点儿。跟妹妹分着吃。妈妈说。
所以，哈里就把小个的给了妹妹，自己开始啃那个大个的。
哼，妹妹说，如果妈妈给了我，我会把大的给你，把小的留给自己的。
对呀，哈里说，你拿到的不就是小的吗？还着什么急呀？
Frog
The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, Now I'll show you
this frog in my pocket. He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a
chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said,
That's funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch.
青蛙
老师正在给学生上生物课：现在，我将要给你们看我袋子里的这只青蛙。接着，他把手伸进口袋，却拿出了一份鸡肉三文治。老师满脸困惑地看了一眼，沉思了一会儿，说道：真奇怪。我明明记得我已经把午饭吃掉了。
An Ugly Woman
Mike: My aunt was very embarrassed when she was asked to take off her mask at the party.
Mary: Why was that?
Mike: She wasn't wearing one.
丑女
麦克：一次舞会上，当大家要求我姑姑拿掉她的面具时，她非常尴尬。
玛丽：为什么会那样呢？
麦克：她根本就没有带面具。
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
鸟窝与头发
我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。
“是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。
“我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。
“那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。
“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。”
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
我刚咬破自己的舌头
“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。
“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”
“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦，
亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
给我那个打赢的吧
-- 服务员，
这个龙虾只有一只爪。
-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。
英语笑话（六）The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
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