英语演讲稿health 英语演讲稿healthlife
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英语演讲稿health 英语演讲稿healthlife
Health could be the most important thing in normal human being's life. Without health, anything else means nothing. Steve Jobs created Apple, one of the greatest companies in the world, but unfortunately he passed away several years ago. Maybe he had the supereme honor in his industry and his employees regarded him as the emporer, but since he was sick in the last several years of his life, he couldn't even have a normal life and was treated as a disable person in hospital. Every one has his or her own dream and is persuing the dream in one's whole life. But health is like the vehicle which can hold our dream to the farther and more wonderful future. If the vehicle stops, our dream will have to stop.
it is to say,hunger breeds discontent,so a good eating habits is very important for our healthy.
for breakfast we can have some bread an egg or a glass of milk,it is not a good habit to eat foods with heavy oil.
we can have rice or pasta for launch，it is very useful to have some meat and vegetable.
we should choice light digestible food for dinner,and not eat so much.
also we can choice some favorite foods that is healthy.
yogurt is very good to our body for launch too.
俗话说,民以食为天,良好的饮食习惯对我们的健康非常重要。
早餐我们可以选择一些面包，牛奶，或鸡蛋、
不宜吃油量过大的食物。
午餐我们吃米饭和面食都可以，关键要吃点肉和蔬菜。
晚餐要选择清淡易消化的食物,不要吃得过饱。
我们可以根据个人习惯搭配上自己喜欢的健康的食物。
利用午饭的时间，各一杯酸奶也是对身体有好处的。
郑和下西洋英语演讲稿
In 1405, zheng he sent envoys to (native with a fleet of yunnan) mission western. At that time the western refers to the west of south China sea of the coastal areas. Zheng he's brought twenty thousand DuoRen, in addition to soldiers and sailors outside, and officials at all levels, technical personnel, translation and the doctor. They took 62 ship from the article, jiangsu province of fujian province taicang, through the coastal vastly sail south. Zheng he each to a country, he put in to the country's letter submitted the king, and brought the gift to them, hope to establish friendly relations with them. Three years later, he took the angel of the western countries returned to China, Ming emperor saw this voyage so successful, very happy. In the later twenty DuoNian, Ming emperor again and again to western countries zheng he sent. Zheng he's seven times before and after go out to sea, to the Indian Ocean DuoGe 30 countries, had reached farthest in Africa. Zheng he's seven trips that at that time, China shipbuilding and navigation technology has reached very high levels. More important is, it broke the between the east and the state is relatively isolated from the, let foreigners understand more about China.
1405年，明成祖派郑和（祖籍云南）带领一支船队出使西洋。那时的西洋指的是我国南海以西的沿海各地。郑和一共带了两万多人，除了士兵和水手外，还有各级官员、技术人员、翻译和医生。他们乘坐62条大船，从今江苏的太仓出发，经过福建沿海，浩浩荡荡地扬帆南下。郑和每到一个国家，就把明成祖的信递交给该国的国王，并把带去的礼物送给他们，希望同他们建立友好关系。三年后，郑和带着西洋各国的使者回到了中国，明成祖见这次远航这么成功，非常高兴。在以后的二十多年里，明成祖一次又一次地派郑和前往西洋各国。郑和前后出海7次，到过印度洋沿岸的三十多个国家，最远还曾到达过非洲。郑和七次下西洋，说明我国当时的造船和航海技术已经达到了很高的水平。更重要的是，这一事件打破了东西方之间相对隔绝的状态，让外国人更多地了解了中国。
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英语演讲稿饮食文化
良好的饮食习惯和健康(Good Eating Habits and Health)
In current society, people have known the importance of keeping healthy and good life habit. In the past, people ate three meals at home, and they ate more vegetables and less meat and fish. They were very strong and seldom went to see doctors.
Now life is better, people eat more meat, fish, eggs and other food with more fat. They often go out for good meals with their families and friends. But they get easy to be ill, Why?
I think more meat and fish, less exercise are bad for health. Good rest, less meat and fish, more vegetables and enough exercise are good for health. So I exercise every day. My eating habits are pretty good. I eat a lot of vegetables. I eat fruit and drink milk every day. I drink a cup of water 15 minutes before each meal and eat much vegetables and fruit. Of course, I love junk food, too, and I eat it once a week. And I sleep nine hours every day.
The better we get into good eating habits, the happier our life becomes.
in current society, people have known the importance of keeping healthy and good life habit. in the past, people ate three meals at home, and they ate more vegetables and less meat and fish. they were very strong and seldom went to see doctors.
now life is better, people eat more meat, fish, eggs and other food with more fat. they often go out for good meals with their families and friends. but they get easy to be ill, why?
i think more meat and fish, less exercise are bad for health. good rest, less meat and fish, more vegetables and enough exercise are good for health. so i exercise every day. my eating habits are pretty good. i eat a lot of vegetables. i eat fruit and drink milk every day. i drink a cup of water 15 minutes before each meal and eat much vegetables and fruit. of course, i love junk food, too, and i eat it once a week. and i sleep nine hours every day.
the better we get into good eating habits, the happier our life becomes.
关于圣诞节英语演讲稿
Do you knowOrigin of Chdstmas___圣诞由来
The name Christmas is short for“Christ’s Mass”．A Mass is a kind of Church service．Christmas is a religious festivaI．It is the day we celebrate as the birthday of Jesus．
There are special Christmas services in Christian churches all over the world．But many of the festivities of Christmas do not have anything to do with religion．Exchanging gifts and sending Christmas cards are the modern ways of celebrating the Christmas In the world．
The birth of Jesus had a story：In Nazareth，a city of Galilee．The vIrgin’s name was Mary was betrothed to Joseph．Before they came together，she was found with
child of the Holy Spirit．Joseph，her husband was minded to put her away secretly．While he thought about these things，Gabriel，an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a
dream and told hIm did not be afraid to take Mary as wife．And Mary，will bring forth a Son，and he shall call his name，Jesus,for he will save his people from their sins．
Before Jesus births．Joseph and Mary came to Quintus was governing Syria．So all went to be registered，everyone to his own city．Joseph also went up out of
Galilee．out of the city of Nazareth．into Judea，to the city of David．which iS called Bethlehem，because he was of the house and of the lineage of David，to be registered with Mary。his betrothed wife，who was with child．So it was that while they were there．the days were completed for her to be delivered．And she brought forth her firstborn Son．and wrapped him in swaddling cloths．and laid him in a
manger．because there was no room for them jn the jnn．And that．Christmas IS the feast of the nativity of Jesus．is on 25th，December every year．But nobody know the acluaI birthday of Jesus．And the Christmas has become popular when Christmas cards appeared in 1 846 and the concept of a joily Santa Claus was first made popular in nineteenth Century．
“圣诞节”这个名称是“基督弥撒”的缩写。弥撒是教会的一种礼拜仪式。耶诞节是一个宗节我们把它当作耶稣的诞辰来庆祝，因而又名耶诞节。这一天，世界所有的基督教会都举行特别的礼拜仪式。但是有很多圣诞节的欢庆活动和宗教并无半点关联。交换礼物，寄圣个诞卡，这都使圣诞节成为一个普天同庆的日子。
圣诞节是基督教世界最大的节日。4世纪初，1月6日是罗马帝国东部各教会纪念耶稣降生和受洗的双重节日、称为“主显节”Epiphany，亦称“显现节”即上帝通过耶稣向世人显示自己。当时只有耶路撒冷的教会例外，那里只纪念耶稣的诞生而不纪念耶稣的受洗。后来历史学家们在罗马基督徒习用的日历中发现公元354年12月25日页内记录着：“基督降生在犹大的伯利恒。”经过研究，一般认为12月25日伴为圣诞节可能开始于公元336年的罗马教会)约在公元375年传到小亚细亚的安提阿，公元430年传到埃及的亚历山大里亚，耶路撒冷的教会接受得最晚，而亚美尼亚的教会则仍然坚持1月6日主显节是耶稣的诞
辰。
12月25日原来是波斯太阳神(即光明之神)密特拉(Mithra)的诞辰，是一个异教徒节日，同时太阳神也是罗马国教众神之一。这一天又是罗马历书的冬至节，崇拜太阳神的异教徒
都把这一天当作春天的希望，万物复苏的开始。可能由于这个原因，罗马教会才选择这一天作为圣诞节。这是教会初期力图把异教徒的风俗习惯基督教化的措施之一。
后来，虽然大多数教会都接受12月25日为圣诞节，但又固各地教会使用的历书不同，具体日期不能统一，于是就把12月24日到第二年的1月6日定为圣诞节节期(Christmas Tide)，各地教会可以根据当地具体情况在这段节期之内庆祝圣诞节。自从12月25日被大多数教会公认为圣诞节后，原来1月6日的主显节就只纪念耶稣受洗了，但天主教会又把1月6日定为“三王来朝节”，以纪念耶稣生时东方三王(即三位博士)来朝拜的故事。随着基督教的广泛传播，圣诞节已成为各教派基督徒，甚至广大非基督徒群众的一个重要节日。在欧美许多国家里，人们非常重视这个节日，把它和新年连在一起，而庆祝活动之热闹与隆
重大大超过了新年，成为一个全民的节日。12月25日的主要纪念活动都与耶稣降生的传说有关。
In many countries of the world, the celebration of Christmas on December 25th is a high point of the year. But whyCan it have any real meaning for us todayIs there a 'real' Christmas message?
Christmas celebrations in the West today
From November onwards, it is impossible to forget that Christmas is coming. Coloured lights decorate many town centres and shops, along with shiny decorations, and artificial snow painted on shop windows.
In streets and shops, 'Christmas trees' (real or plastic evergreen 'conifer' trees) will also be decorated with lights and Christmas ornaments.
Shopping centres become busier as December approaches and often stay open till late.Shopping centre speaker systems systems will play Christmas 'carols' - the traditional Christmas Christian songs, and groups of people will often sing carols on the streets to raise money for charity. Most places of work will hold a short Christmas party about a week before Christmas. Although traditional Christmas foods may be eaten, drink (and plenty of it) means that little work will be done after the party!
By mid-December, most homes will also be decorated with Christmas trees, coloured lights and paper or plastic decorations around the rooms. These days, many more people also decorate garden trees or house walls with coloured electric lights, a habit which has long been popular in USA.
In many countries, most people post Christmas greeting cards to their friends and family, and these cards will be hung on the walls of their homes. In UK this year, the British Post Office expects to handle over 100 million cards EACH DAY, in the three weeks before Christmas.
幽默哲理英语演讲稿
Love Your Mother
爱你的母亲
Why are you crying, a young boy asked his Mom?
你为什么哭?一个小男孩问他的妈妈.
"Because I'm a woman," she told him.
因为我是女人,她告诉他.
"I don't understand," he said.
我不明白.他回答
His Mom just hugged him and said,
"And you never will, but that's O.K.".......
妈妈拥抱了他说,"你永远也不会明白,但没关系..."
Later the little boy asked his father,
"Why does Mom seem to cry for no reason?".
后来小男孩问他的父亲"妈妈为什么似乎在无缘无故的哭泣?"
"All women cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say......
"所有的女人都会常常没有原因地哭泣",这是他的父亲唯一可以解释的...
The little boy grew up and became a man,
still wondering why women cry.
等到小男孩长大,成了男人的时候,
他仍然奇怪妈妈为什么哭.
Finally he put in a call to God and when God got back to him, he asked "God, why do women cry so easily?"
最后他把这件事祷告给上帝,他问"上帝,为什么女人容易哭泣?"
GOD answered......
上帝回答:
"When I made woman,
I decided she had to be special.
I made her shoulders
strong enough to carry
the weight of the world, yet,
made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...
"当我创造女人的时候,
我决定把她造的很特别,
我让她的双肩强壮的足以能够承担整个世界,但是,
却让她的双臂温柔的足够去安慰他人...
I gave her the inner strength
to endure childbirth
and the rejection
that many times will come
even from her own children.
我给她内在的力量去忍受生产的剧痛,
也让她有勇气承受无数的伤害,
甚至这些伤害有时会来自于自己的孩子...
I gave her a hardness
that allows her
to keep going and take care
of her family and friends,
even when everyone else gives up, through sickness and fatigue without
complaining....
我给她顽强,让她能够不断地前进,
并且照顾自己的家人和朋友,
甚至当每个人都放弃的时候,
她却能够坚强地在疾病和劳累之时毫无怨言...
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances. Even when her child has hurt her badly....
She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....
我给她内心的敏感,让她在任何环境下都深爱着自己的孩子.甚至在他们深深伤害她的时候．．．
她用那特别的力量，让年幼孩子的在受伤的时候感到安慰，也能够让年轻的子女消除紧张与恐惧．．．
I gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults
and I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....
我给她力量关心她的丈夫，尽管他会犯错．我用男人的肋骨创造了女人，使女人可以保护男人的心脏．．．
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly....
我给她智慧，让她知道一个好丈夫永远不会伤害他的妻子，但有时候会试炼她坚定的永远跟随自己丈夫的能力与决心．
For all of this hard work,
I also gave her a tear to shed.
It is hers to use
whenever needed and
it is her only weakness....
When you see her cry,
tell her how much you love her, and all she does for everyone, and even though
she may still cry, you will have made her heart feel good.
因为这些种种的困难，
我也同样赐她流下眼泪，
这是当她在需要时可以使用的，
这是她唯一的软弱之处．．．
当你看到她哭泣的时候，
告诉她你有多么地爱她，
告诉她她为所有人所做的一切，
即使这样她可能还是会哭泣，
但你会使她的心里得到安慰．
She is special!
Please send this to women you know, and those with mothers,
sisters, and special women in their lives.
她是独特的！
请把这个信息传递给你认识的女人， 有母亲，姐妹和特别的女性在他们生命里的人．
But, also send this to men so they will understand about what a wonderful thing a woman is.
Each day is a mountain that must be climbed; with courage each step gets easier.
但是，也把这个信息传递给男人，因此他们会明白女人是多么奇妙的被造物．
每一天，生活中都会有必须爬的山，但是勇气会使每一步都更轻松．
Love your Mother Always
永远爱你的母亲，
and keep her Smiling
并且使她微笑常在
全部人工翻译
献给我的母亲
Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?
Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.
中文：
警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？
男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。
A notoriously absentminded professor was one day observed walking along the street with one foot continually in the gutter，the other on the pavement．
A pupil meeting him said：
“Good evening，professor．How are you？
“Well，” answered the professor，“I thought I was all right when I left home，but now I don't know what's the matter with me．I've been limping for the last half hour．”
16．心不在焉的老师
有一天，人们看见一个有名的心不在焉的老师在路上走，他的一只脚一直踏在街沟里，另一只脚踩在人行道上。
一个碰见他的学生说：
“晚安，老师。您怎么了？”
“啊，”这位老师回答说：“我想我离开家的时候还挺好的，可是现在我不知道出了什么毛病。我已经一瘸一拐走了半个小时了。”
by Leigh Hunt
I had a schoolmate who had come into school at an age later than usual，and could hardly read．There was a book used by the leaners in reading called“Dialogues between a Missionary and an Indian．”It was a poor performance，full of inconclusive arguments and other commonplaces．The boy in question used to appear with this book in his hand in the middle of the school，the master standing behind him．
The lesson was to begin．The poor fellow，whose great fault lay in a deep toned drawl of his syllable and the omission of his stops，stood half looking at the book，and half casting his eye towards the right of him， whence the blows were to proceed．The master looked over him，and his hand was ready．I am not exact in my quotation at this distance of time ；but the spirit of one of the passages that I recollect was to the following purport，and thus did the teacher and his pupil proceed：
Master．“Now，young man，have a care ；or I'll set you a swingeing task．”（A common phrase of his．）
Pupil（making a sort of heavy bolt at his calamity，and neverremembering his stop at the word“Missionary”）．Missionary Can you see the wind？
（Master gives him a aslap on thehcheek．）
Pupil（raising his voice to a cry，and still forgetting his stop）．“Indian No！”
Master．“Zounds，young man！have a care how you provoke me！”
Pupil（always forgetting the stop）．Missionary How then do you know that there is such a thing？”
（Here a terrible thump．）
Pupil（with a shout of agony）． Indian Because I feel it．”
15．诵读课
李·亨特
当年我有个同学，入学比常规的年龄要迟，而且几乎完全不会读书。那时有个学生用的阅读课本，叫做《传教士和印第安人的对话》。课本不怎么样，尽是不得要领的论说和一些老生常谈。那孩子常常手拿该课本出现在学校中央，身后站着教师。
授课即将开始。那可怜的学生的毛病在于他读音节时语调深沉地拖长腔并略去应有的停顿。他站立着，三心二意地看着书，一面向身子右边瞄去，因为打击将会来自那个方向。教师盯视着他，手已摆出了打人的架势。因为时隔已久，我的引述可能不很确切，但就我所忆，先生和学生的一次对话的要旨大致如下：
老师：“年轻人，小心点；要不我可要让你狠狠吃点苦头。”（这是他的口头禅。）
学生：（大难临头，身体猛然一摇闪，根本记不得在“传教士”一词后应该停顿。）“传教士你能看见风吗？”
（教师扇了他一耳光。）
学生：（提高了嗓音，几乎是在哭喊，但仍不记得要停顿）“印第安人不能啊！”
教师：“该死！年轻人，小心点别惹我发火！”
学生：（一如既往漏掉停顿）“传教士那你怎么知道有这样一种东西呢？”
（这时来了重重一击。）
学生：（痛苦地叫喊）“印第安人因为我感觉到了。”
Our teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being used in some schools today．
“It works like this，” she said．“Suppose you wanted tore member the name of a poet—Robert Burns，for instance．”She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns．“Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman，a bobby in flames．See？Bobby Burns！”
“I see what you mean，” said the class know it all．“But how can you tell that it's Not Robert Browning？”
14．诗人的名字
我们的老师正在给我们介绍现在某些学校使用的一种新的记忆训练系统。
“这个系统是这样的，”她说。“假定你要记住一个诗人的名字——例如，要记住罗伯特·彭斯的名字。”她告诉我们把他当作博比·彭斯。“让你的脑海里闪现出一个伦敦警察的形象，燃烧着的警察。明白吗？警察燃烧！”
“我明白你的意思，”班上的万事通说。“但是你怎么能说那就不是罗伯特·布朗宁呢？”
Proctor（exceedingly angry）：“So you confess that this unfortunate freshman was carried to this frog pond and drenched？Now what part did you take in this disgraceful affair？”
Soph．（meekly）：“The right leg，sir．”
13．右腿
学监（非常生气）：“现在你承认这可怜的新生被扔进这蛙池里，浑身湿透？那么你在这不光彩的事情里扮演了什么角色呢？”
二年级学生（恭顺地）：“右腿，先生。”
Landon had made an unsuccessful attempt at the recitation，and the doctor，somewhat nettled，said：“Landon，you don't seem to be getting on very fast in this subject．You seem to lack ambition．Why，at your age Alexander the Great had conquered half the world．”
“Yes，” said Landon，“he couldn't help it，for you will recall the fact，doctor，that Alexander the Great had Aristotle for a teacher．”
12．亚历山大大帝
兰登作了一次不成功的朗诵。老师有点不悦，对他说道：
“兰登，你在这门课上好像进步不大，你好像缺乏志向。亚历山大大帝在你这个年龄可已经征服了半个世界。”
“是啊，”兰登说，“他没法不那样。博士先生，您回想一下史实，亚历山大大帝有亚里士多德做他的老师。”
Professor Laurie of Glasgow put this notice on his door：“Professor Laurie will not meet his classes today．”
A student，after reading the notice，rubbed out the“c”．
Later Professor Laurie came along，and entering into the spirit of the joke，rubbed out the“l”．
11．“班”和“笨驴”
格拉斯哥的劳里教授在门上贴了这样一个通知：“劳里教授今天不会他的班。”
一个学生读了通知后，擦掉了字母“c”。
后来劳里教授来了，也想开开玩笑，他擦掉了字母“l”。
Billy and Bobby were small boys．They were brothers，and they often had fights with each other．
Last Saturday their mother said to them，“I'm going to cook our lunch now．Go out and play in the garden—and be good．”
“Yes，Mummy，” the two boys answered，and they went out．
They played in the garden for half an hour，and then Billy ran into the kitchen．“Mummy，” he said，“Bobby's broken a window in Mrs．Allen's house．” Mrs．Allen was one of their neighbors．
“He's a bad boy，”his mother said．“How did he break it？”
“I threw a stone at him，” Billy answered，“and he quickly moved down．”
10．是他的错
比利和波比都是小男孩。他们是兄弟，两人经常打架。
上个星期六，他们的妈妈对他们说：“我现在要做午饭了。去，到花园去玩吧，别淘气。”
“是，妈妈，”两个男孩回答，然后他们就出去了。
他们在花园里玩了半个小时，然后比利跑进了厨房。“妈妈，”他说：“波比打碎了艾伦太太家的窗玻璃。”艾伦太太是他们的邻居。
“他是个坏孩子，”他的妈妈说。“他是怎么把玻璃打碎的？”
“我朝他扔了一块石子，”比利回答：“他赶紧蹲下。”
Mr．and Mrs．Taylor had a seven year old boy named Pat．Now Mrs．Taylor was expecting another child．
Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much，so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too．
One evening Mr．and Mrs．Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival．“This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes，”said Mr．Taylor．
Pat came into the room just then and said，“What are you talking about？”“We were saying that we'll have to move to an other house now，because the new baby's coming，”his mother answered．
“ It's no use，”said Pat hopelessly．“ He'll follow us there．”
9．新生儿
泰勒夫妇有一个七岁的男孩，名叫帕特。现在泰勒太太正怀着第二胎。
帕特在别人家看见过婴儿，他不太喜欢他们，所以他对自己家里也将有一个婴儿的消息感到不满。
一天晚上，泰勒夫妇正在为这个婴儿的降生计划做安排。泰勒先生说：“有了婴儿，我们的房子就太小，不够住了。”
帕特恰好在这个时候走进屋，他问：“你们在说什么？”他的母亲回答说：“我们在说我们现在得搬家，因为婴儿就要诞生了。”
“那没用，”帕特绝望地说。“他会跟我们到那儿去的。”
[幽默]一只死于压力的龙虾
2003年8月6日14:51 作者: 亿笑 金羊网
A giant lobster, saved from the cooking pot by a fishmonger, has died of stress after being exhibited at an aquarium.
Lucky, estimated to be aged around 40, was caught off the Gower Peninsula coastline by a fisherman earlier this week. He was put in the Silent Night Aquarium, in Tenby, instead of the cooking pot but was discovered dead in his new tank. Crowds had gathered at Swansea Market, in south Wales, when Lucky the lobster, who was two feet long and weighed in at 7lbs, appeared on a fish stall.
But fishmonger Christopher Thomas, 20, was so taken with the colossal crustacean he refused to sell and had it transferred to an aquarium instead. Aquarium assistant Mike Batt said: "I could see he was dead the moment he arrived because the water was murky. "To be honest I did not hold out much hope it would survive because it appeared to be ill when it arrived. "We pumped in oxygen to the area around its gills but I think the stress of the last few days was simply too much and it died."
一只年龄大约在40岁左右的大龙虾在英国高尔半岛海岸被一名渔夫捕获，幸运的是，它的新主人并没有把它直接放进蒸煮罐里享受美味，而是把它放在一个水桶里，并在几天后送往水族馆。可是，不幸的是，当这只两英尺长、7磅重的巨型龙虾刚刚被送到水族馆后，它就死了。“老实说，我对它能活下去不抱任何希望，因为它看上去生病了。我们在它的腮部周围区域用压力泵为它输氧，但我想，它在前两天所受的压力实在是太大了，它支持不住，所以死了。”龙虾被捉后，许多人都前往鱼市场观看这只异物，可能正是因为没见过这么多人，龙虾一下子被吓着了。
卖扫帚的人和理发师
A man who sold brooms went into a barber's shop to get shaved. The barber bought one of his brooms, and, when he had shaved him, asked for the price of it.
"Two pence,"said the man.
"No, no, "said the barber, "I will give you a penny, and if you do not think that enough, you may take your broom again."
The man took it, and asked what he had to pay for his shave.
"A penny."said the barber.
"I will give you a half-penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again."
卖扫帚的人和理发师
一个卖扫帚的人去一家理发店修面.理发师向他买了一把扫帚.当理发师给他修完面后,问了一下扫帚的价钱.
卖扫帚的人说:"两便士"
"不,不"理发师说,"我只出一便士.如果你认为不够的话,可以把扫帚拿回去."
卖扫帚的人取回了扫帚,随后问修面要付多少钱.
卖扫帚的人说:"我只能给你半个便士,如果你认为不够的话,你可以把胡子再替我装上."
Second language
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.
Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.
Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"
一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。
母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。
母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。”
反正我太太明天会来换的
My Wife Will Exchange Them Tomorrow.
A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves.
"Cloth of leather?" asked the salesperson.
"Makes no difference, "replied customer.
"What color?" asked the clerk.
"Any," he responded.
"Size?"
"Give me whatever you prefer," the gentleman said, slightly exasperated. "My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them."
反正我太太明天会来换的。
一位先生走进一家商店要买付手套。
“您是要布的还是皮的？”售货员问。
“没什么区别。”这位顾客回答。
“那您要什么颜色的呢？”售货员又问。
“什么颜色都成。”他回答。
“号码呢？”
“您就随便给我拿一付吧，”这位顾客有点不耐烦了，“反正我太太明天都会来换的。”
Good News and Bad News
The soldiers had been marching and fighting, they were dirty, hot and tired. One day, the general announced: "My men, I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which one would you like first?"
"The good news!" they all shouted.
"OK," said the General. "The good news is that you will each be receiving a complete change of clothing."
"Hurrah!" chorused the soldiers.
"And now for the bad news. Jack, you will change with John. John, you will change with Tom. Tom, you will change with Robert. Robert ....
好消息和坏消息
士兵们连续的行军，作战，他们又累又热又脏。一天，将军宣布： “士兵们，我有一些好消息和坏消息要告诉你们。你们愿意先听哪个呢？”
“好消息！”他们嚷道。
“好吧，”将军说，“好消息就是你们每个人都可以彻底的换一身衣服。”
“乌拉！”士兵们高兴地大叫起来。
“现在呢，该是坏消息了。杰克，你将和约翰换衣服，约翰，你和汤姆换，汤姆，你和罗伯特换，罗伯特……”
最恶心的地毯
A Florida couple have been ordered to take up a carpet - from their front garden.
Steve and Mildred Nadwairski say they covered their lawn with carpet because they had had no luck with grass seed. They could not afford to spend￡160 on turf so decided to put carpet on the lawn of their Port Richey Home. Mr Nadwairski said he didn't think it was written anywhere that you couldn't have carpet on your front lawn. But the couple fell foul of a byelaw forbidding the collection of "public nuisance items" such as junk cars and appliances. A prosecutor argued that included old carpet and a court agreed.
Neighbours seemed pleased with the ruling. One says the carpeting, which is wet all the time, looks "nasty."
佛罗里达州波特里奇市一对夫妇在他们屋前的花园铺上地毯，把草坪盖住，因为他们觉得草籽会坏了他们的好运气，同时，他们说付不起打理草坪所需的160英镑。
当地法院命令这对夫妇把地毯移走。男主人为此争辩道，没有条文明令禁止在自家草坪上铺地毯，而检举人称，那张地毯太破旧了，就像破车等破烂玩意儿，给公众造成了困扰，违反了“公共损害条例”。邻居们对法院的判决都拍手称庆，说那张地毯整天都湿漉漉的，看起来“恶心死了”。
Saving Lives
At a pre-med university in St. Louis, we had to take a difficult class in physics. One day the professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"
"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted. "It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school," replied the professor.
中文意思是：救人
在圣路易斯的一所医学院预科大学，学生必须修一门很难的物理课。一天，教授正在探讨一个特别复杂的概念，一个学生粗鲁地打断他的话，问道：“为什么我们一定要学这种东西？”
“为了救人。”教授很快回答，继续讲课。几分钟后，那个学生再次大声坚持：“那么物理怎么救人呢？”教授回答：“它通常可以把你这种笨蛋赶出医学院。”
Teacher: What great event happened in 1809?
Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln was born.
Teacher: Correct. And what great event happened in 1812?
Little Willy: Abraham Lincoln had his third birthday.
老师：1809年发生了什么重大事件？
小威利：亚伯拉罕-林肯诞生。
老师：正确。那么1812年发生了什么重要事件呢？
小威利：亚伯拉罕-林肯过他的三周岁生日。
Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?
Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.
中文：
警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？
男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. "I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What's the bad news?". With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor."
一名艺术家问画廊老板，最近有没有人对他展出的画感兴趣。“这有好消息和坏消息，”老板回答。“好消息是有一位先生咨询你的作品，他想知道在你死后你的画会不会升值。我告诉他你的画会升值，他就把你的15幅画全都买走了。”
“真是太好了”，艺术家是喜形于色，“那坏消息是什么？”带着关心的口吻，画廊老板回答，“买画的人是你的医生”。
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