中英文对照哲理故事 中英文对照简短故事
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Let me take it down
An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."
"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."
为我所用
一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”
“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。
An old soldier often told his garden about his past war exploits.
"Once I met with a dozen enemy sol-diers and took them prisoners singlehand-ed."
"It was half a dozen enemy soldiers when you told me the story last year.But why have you added so many more this time?"
"You silly lad.You were younger last year,and I was afraid to frighten you."
While wisiting the cemetery,a sorrowful couple noticed a headstone,which read,"here lies a lawyer and a honest nan"."look at that",the woman said,"money's so tight they're putting then two in a grave."
Lawyer Jokes :
A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read, "Here lies John Kelly, a lawyer and an honest man." "How about that!" he exclaimed. "They've got three people buried in one grave."
__________________________________
These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
now published by
court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.
__________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he
woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
_________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
__________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
A:Nice to meet you.
B:Nice to meet you,too.
C:Nice to meet you,three.
An Artist
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and
wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
An old soldier often told his garden about his past war exploits.
"Once I met with a dozen enemy sol-diers and took them prisoners singlehand-ed."
"It was half a dozen enemy soldiers when you told me the story last year.But why have you added so many more this time?"
"You silly lad.You were younger last year,and I was afraid to frighten you
BUYING A HAT
A lady went to a hat shop to buy a hat. As she was very fussy, it took her a long time to pick on one. Already at the end of his patience the salesman was afraid that she might change her mind again so he tried to flatter her: "An excellent choice, madam. You look at least ten years younger with this hat on!" To his dismay, the lady took off her hat at once and said: "I don't want a hat that makes me look ten years older as soon as I take it off. Show me some more hats!"
I'M NOT HAVING IT ALL CUT OFF.
Miles sometime went to the barber's during working hours to have his hair cut. But this was against the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time. While Miles was at the barber's one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him.
"Hello, Miles," the manager said. "I see that you are having your hair cut in office time."
"Yes, sir, I am," admitted Miles calmly. "You see, sir, it grows in office time."
"Not all of it," said the manager at once. "Some of it grows in your own time."
"Yes, sir, that's quite true." Answered Miles politely, "but I'm not having it all cut off."
But the teacher cried
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all rightdid you cry?"
"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
The difference between men and women
Jock was driving up a steep, narrow, tortuous, Scottish mountain road. A woman was driving down the same road in the opposite direction.
As they pass each other the woman leant out the window and shouted: "PIG!!"
Jock immediately leant out his window and replied with "BITCH!!"
They each continue on their way, but as Jock rounded the next corner he ran into a pig in the middle of the road....
The Clock
Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
She asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Theresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."
"Whose clock is that?" "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."
"Where is Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.
"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He is using it as a ceiling fan."
One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
In the morning Mr.Smith comes into the garden at the back of his house. He sees much snow(雪) in the garden.Mr.Smith wants to take his car out, so he asks a man to clean the road from his garage(车库)to the gate(大门). He says to the man,”Don't throw any snow on that side. It will damage(损坏) flowers in the street, or the policeman will come.”Then he goes out.
When he comes back, the road is clean.There is no snow on the flowers, on the wall or in the street. But when he open the garage, he sees the garage is full of snow(被雪充满), the snow from the road, and his car is under the snow!
A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach.
The blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."
Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach.
Again, the blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."
The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear.
She immediately gets up, says, "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman.
He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA."
英语幽默笑话：
一：She Didn"t Say Anything
A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence.
The girl looked at her father and said, “It was Mom”。
“How do you know?” asked her father.
“She didn"t say anything.”
二：I Have Turned It Over
A woman said to her husband, “dear, look at our sheet! It"s too dirty. Would you like to wash it now?”
The man looked at the sheet and then thought for a while and then said, “I don"t think it"s necessary. We can turn the sheet over. Is that all right?”
三、40 over Li lotus heart disease arises suddenly, is escorted to the hospital first aid. The condition extremely too bad, the Li lotus felt oneself nearly all already died.
In the rescue, the Li lotus has heard God's sound suddenly: "You cannot die, you also may live for 45 years 6 months 02 days, has the courage to go on living!"
Certainly, the result was the Li lotus miracle is revived. After the body recovers, the Li lotus thought oneself also can live for more than 40 years, then □has anxiously is leaving the hospital, first repairs the face, then makes up the lip, then is the prosperous chest, finally is the thin abdomen, continuously has undergone 4 cosmetology surgeries altogether, then was called the specialized hair stylist to visit the service, changed has sent the color, has made the new tide hairstyle, the entire stature looked at □the young several years old.
After last the reshaping surgery completes, the Li lotus then happily handled left the hospital the procedure, □thought actually the ambulance which rapidly 驶过 by 撞死 in the entrance.
After the heaven, the Li lotus has been angry interrogates God: "Since you had said I also may live for 45 years, then you should not eat the word."
God awkwardly 耸了耸肩, replies: "Really is sorry, at that time, the vehicle hit when you... ... I have not recognized am you."
英语笑话这里面有的，可以看看：
http://www.sxuu.com/loveu/Article/english/yyxx/200508/22000.html
英语幽默
双关歇后语：）~
http://www.sxszjzx.com/~t207/wht_2.htm
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,僦看见一个牌子仩写着"学校----慢行".
Do You Know My Work？
One night a hotel caught fire， and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes．
Two men stood outside and looked at the fire．
“Before I came out，” said one，“I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money． People don't think of money when they're afraid． When anyone leaves paper money in a fire， the fire burns it． So I took all the bills that I could find．No one will be poorer because I took them．”
“You don't know my work，” said the other．
“What is your work？”
“I'm a policeman．
“Oh！” cried the first man． He thought quickly and said，“And do you know my work？”“No，”said the policeman．
“I'm a writer． I'm always telling stories about things that never happened．”
译文：（自己简单翻译）
你知道我是干什么的吗？
一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡 衣就跑了出来。
两个人站在外面，看着大火。
“在我出来之前，”其中一个说：“我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬。所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了。没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。”
“你不知道我是干什么的。”另一个说。
“你是干什么的？”
“我是警察。”
“噢！”第一个人喊了一声。他灵机一动，说：“那你知道我是干什么的？”“不知道。”警察说。
“我是个作家。我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。”
Who is the laziest
Father:Well,Jack,I talked with your teacher today .And now I want to ask you a question ,Who is the laziest person inyour class ?
Jack:I don`t know ,father.
Father:Oh,think!When other boys and girls are reading and wirting ,who sits quietly and only watch how other people word?
Jack:Our teacher ,father.
god's coffee
a group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. conversation
soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.
offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen
and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking,
some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.
when all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "if you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up,
leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. while it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your
problems and stress.
be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. in
most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink.
what all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you
consciously went for the best cups... and then you began eyeing
each other's cups. now consider this: life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. they are just tools to hold and contain life, and the type of cup we have does not define,
nor change the quality of life we live.
sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee god has provided us."
god brews the coffee, not the cups.......... enjoy your coffee!
"the happiest people don't have the best of everything. they just
make the best of everything."
live simply.
love generously.
care deeply.
speak kindly.
leave the rest to god.
译文：
上帝的咖啡一群事业有成的同学回去看望他们的大学老师，很快他们开始抱怨生活和工作中的压力。
老师去厨房为客人们准备咖啡，回来时端着一大壶咖啡和各式各样的杯子，这些杯子有陶瓷的、塑料的、玻璃的、水晶的，有的普通，有的昂贵，有的精致，老师让大家随意享用。
等每个人都端起一杯咖啡，老师说话了：你们注意到吗：所有好看昂贵的杯子都被用了，剩下那些朴素便宜的杯子。你们都只想要最好的，这很正常，这恰恰是你们的问题和压力所在。杯子不会让咖啡的质量变得更好，很多时候，只是让它变得更贵一些，甚至，有时候，让人忽略了到底我们在喝什么。你们真正想要的其实是咖啡，不是杯子，但你们有意识地去拿那些最好的杯子，随后开始打量其他人手上的杯子。想想吧：生活好比咖啡，工作、金钱和社会地位都只是杯子，只是生活的容器，而我们拥有的杯子既无法定义、也无法改变我们生活的质量。有时，由于我们只关心杯子，我们甚至不能够好好品尝上帝赐予我们的咖啡。
上帝冲泡了咖啡，不是杯子。······享受你们的咖啡吧。
最快乐的人们并不是因为他们拥有最好的一切，他们只是把一切当成最好。
简单地活着。仁慈地爱着。深深地关心着。友善地说话。
其他的，就留给上帝吧。
中英文对照哲理故事
1、瞎子打灯笼
一个盲人到亲戚家做客，天黑后，他的亲戚好心为他点了个灯笼，说：“天晚了，路黑，你打个灯笼回家吧!”盲人火冒三丈地说：“你明明知道我是瞎子，还给我打个灯笼照路，不是嘲笑我吗?”他的亲戚说：“你犯了局限思考的错误了。你在路上走，许多人也在路上走，你打着灯笼，别人可以看到你，就不会把你撞到了。”盲人一想，对呀!
故事的第一节告诫我们，局限思考是从自己的角度思考， 整体思考是你把自己放到整个环境中去考虑。系统地思考问题，就会发现，你的行为会对别人产生互动。
2、哥伦布的鸡蛋
哥伦布发现美洲后，许多人认为哥伦布只不过是凑巧看到，其他任何人只要有他的运气，都可以做到。于是，在一个盛大的宴会上，一位贵族向他发难道：“哥伦布先生，我们谁都知道，美洲就在那儿，你不过是凑巧先上去了呗!如果是我们去也会发现的。”
面对责难，哥伦布不慌不乱，他灵机一动，拿起了桌上一个鸡蛋，对大家说：“诸位先生女士们，你们谁能够把鸡蛋立在桌子上?请问你们谁能做到呢?”
大家跃跃欲试，却一个个败下阵来。哥伦布微微一笑，拿起鸡蛋，在桌上轻轻一磕，就把鸡蛋立在那儿。哥伦布随后说：“是的，就这么简单。发现美洲确实不难，就像立起这个鸡蛋一样容易。但是，诸位，在我没有立起它之前，你们谁又做到了呢?”
创新从本质上是一种对新思想、新角度、新变化采取的欢迎态度，它也表现为看问题的新角度。很多时候，人们会说，这也算是创新吗?原来我也知道啊!创新就这么简单，关键在于你敢不敢想，肯不肯做。
3、青蛙现象
有人做过一个实验，把青蛙放到一锅热水中，那青蛙遇到剧烈的变化，就会立即跳出来，反应很快。但是把青蛙放到冷水中去，慢慢给水加温，你会发现青蛙刚开始会很舒适地在水里游来游去。锅里的水温度在慢慢地上升，它毫不察觉，仍然感到暖洋洋的自得其乐。一旦温度上升70～80度时，它觉得有威胁，想跳出来，可是已经来不及了。因为它的腿不听使唤，再也跳不起来，最后只得被煮死。这就是温水煮青蛙的故事。
第一，大环境的改变能决定我们的成功与失败。大环境的改变有时是看不到的，我们必须时时注意，多学习，多警醒，并欢迎改变，才不至于太迟。第二，太舒适的环境就是最危险的时刻。很习惯的生活方式，也许就是你最危险的生活方式。不断创新，打破旧有的模式，而且相信任何事都有再改善的地方。第三，要能觉察到趋势的小改变，就必须“停下来”从不同角度来思考，而学习是能发现改变的最佳途径。
4、砌墙工人的命运
三个工人在砌一堵墙。
有人过来问：“你们在干什么?”
第一个人没好气地说：“没看见吗？砌墙。”
第二个人抬头笑了笑，说：“我们在盖一幢高楼。”
第三个人边干边哼着歌曲，他的笑容很灿烂开心：“我们正在建设一个新城市。”
10年后，第一个人在另一个工地上砌墙；第二个人坐在办公室中画图纸，他成了工程师；第三个人呢，是前两个人的老板。
你手头的平凡工作其实正是大事业的开始，能否意识到这一点意味着你能否做成一项大事业。
5、钉子
有一个坏脾气的男孩，他父亲给了他一袋钉子。并且告诉他，每当他发脾气的时候就钉一个钉子在后院的围栏上。第一天，这个男孩钉下了37根钉子。慢慢地，每天钉下的钉子数量减少了，他发现控制自己的脾气要比钉下那些钉子容易。于是，有一天，这个男孩再也不会失去耐性，乱发脾气。他告诉父亲这件事情。父亲又说，现在开始每当他能控制自己脾气的时候，就拔出一根钉子。一天天过去了，最后男孩告诉他的父亲，他终于把所有钉子给拔出来了。
父亲握着他的手，来到后院说：“你做得很好，我的好孩子，但是看看那些围栏上的洞。这些围栏将永远不能恢复到从前的样子。你生气的时候说的话就像这些钉子一样留下疤痕。如果你拿刀子捅别人一刀，不管你说了多少次对不起，那个伤口将永远存在。话语的伤痛就像真实的伤痛一样令人无法承受。”
人与人之间常常因为一些无法释怀的僵持，而造成永远的伤害。如果我们都能从自己做起，开始宽容地看待他人，相信你一定能收到许多意想不到的结果。为别人开启一扇窗，也就是让自己看到更完整的天空。
1
已经超过5分钟了
中英文对照简短故事
废物与宝贝
也许是上帝的玩笑，多米尼加人马斯达弗从背部多长出一只手。这就使得他难以从事哪怕很一般的职业。当他的经纪人寄给他一张往首都的机票和一套棒球队的特殊制服时，马斯达弗的职业才有了着落。他说：“球队使我穿上了背上有第三只袖子的制服，它是为我的第三只手特制的。球队没有限制不许戴第三只手套，因此，我比戴两只手套的球员实力更强。”
马斯达弗比常人多出一只手，在常人眼里，这只多出的手是废物，但马斯达弗利用了它，并因此而超越了常人，成了棒球奇才。
法国巴黎有一位姑娘，叫卡芙莲，天生四只手臂。她的父亲曾为此而忧虑，担心女儿的前途会因身体畸形而受到影响。但后来这位姑娘成为了一名排球健将。在比赛中，她利用她四只灵活的手臂，左推右挡，攻守自如，连连扣杀，令观众刮目相看。
看来，特殊的“废物”其实是一种特殊的资源，也许在哪一天，能凭借其不同凡响的能量，爆发出灿烂的光芒。
大道理：宝贝放错了地方便是废物。而换种说法：废物放对了地方便是宝贝。当我们发现自身的缺陷的时候，不妨给他换一个位置，缺陷就变成了优势。
爱与被爱的人
一个哲学家，晚饭后往郊外散步，遇见一个人在那儿伤心地哭泣，哲学家问他为何如此伤心，那人问答：“失恋了。”
哲学家闻听连连抚掌大笑道：“糊涂啊糊涂。”
失恋者停住哭，气愤地质问：“有学问就可以如此嘲笑愚弄别人吗？”
哲学家摇头道：“非我取笑你，实在是你自己取笑自己啊。”
见失恋者不解，哲学家接着解释说：“你如此伤心，可见你心中还有爱；既然你心中有爱，那对方就必定无爱，不然你们又何必分手？而爱在你这边，你并没有失去爱，只不过失去一个不爱你的人，这又有何伤心呢？我看你还是回家去睡觉吧，该哭的应是那个人，她不仅失去了你，还失去了心中的爱，多可悲啊。”
失恋人破涕为笑，恨自己对这浅显的道理怎么没看透，向哲学家鞠了一个躬，转身离去。
大道理：理智的认识不应该受情感的捉弄，懂得该放弃的时候放弃，该收藏的东西收藏，这也是一种生活的真谛，为失去的东西痛惜不已不能自拔，实在是消极之兴。
暴怒的野马
在非洲草原上，有一种不起眼的动物叫吸血蝙蝠。它身体极小，却是很多动物的天敌，就连强悍的野马也常常是它们的牺牲品。这种蝙蝠靠吸动物的血生存，如它在攻击野马时，常附在马腿上，然后用尖尖的嘴吸血。无论野马怎么蹦跳、狂奔，都无法驱逐这种蝙蝠，蝙蝠却可以从容地吸附在野马身上，直到吸饮吸足，才满意地飞去。而野马常常在暴怒、狂奔、流血中无可奈何地死去。
动物学家们在分析这一问题时，一致认为吸血蝙蝠所吸的血量是微不足道的，根本不会让野马死去，野马的死亡是暴怒狂奔的性格所致。
大道理：愤怒易使人失去理智，惟有冷静地面对一切，我们才能更好地保护自己，不让自己继续受到伤害。
躺在树下的农夫
有一位农夫，家境贫寒，散淡疏放，疏于劳作。别人忙于农事时，他却常常躺在村边的树阴下独自乘凉。
又值农忙季节，一个下田去干活的邻居看到他还像没事人似的悠然躺在大树下，劝道：“你不该这样活着。”
农夫问：“那么该怎样活着？”
精明的邻居说：“你应该比别人更勤于耕作，春天不要偷懒，夏天不要怕热，起早贪黑，把你田里的庄稼种好。”
“那以后呢？”农夫问。
“到秋天，你就可以收获很多的粮食。”邻居说，“你再省吃俭用，又会节余下很多粮食。把节余的粮食卖了，换成钱，又可以买许多田地，有了更多的田，你可以打更多的粮，卖更多的钱。这样下去，你就越来越有钱。过些年，你就可以盖深宅大院，买许多骡马，雇一大群人，替你干活了。”
“那以后呢？”农夫问。
“那以后你就自在了。别人去干活，你就可以舒舒服服躺在树阴下过日子啦！”
“那么，你看现在呢？我不也是舒舒服服地躺在树阴下吗？”农夫问。
大道理：是现在享受还能拥有的东西，还是先奋斗等有了足够的资本之后在安心享用呢？自己的命运自己安排。
两只陌生的蜗牛
两只陌生的蜗牛在地球的某个路口相遇了，它们彼此用触角碰了碰，互致问候，然后继续各自朝相反的方向爬去。
但不幸的是它俩拥有了相同的想法：对方这么急着朝我来过的路爬去，肯定有什么事，一定是那路上有许多宝贝我没发现。这样想着，蜗牛们便同时折转头，朝来路爬去。
在同一个路口，两只蜗牛又相遇了，它们彼此友好地又用角碰了碰，各自继续往前爬去。
忙碌了一辈子的蜗牛不知不觉中又爬回了起点。
大道理：忙碌中就会不自觉地迷失了自我以及前进的方向。命运掌握在自己手中，千万不要让盲目的忙碌改变了我们的命运。
虽然我很聪明，但这么说真的难到我了
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